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Relationship Health Message Board

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Re: Hurting so bad
Sep 22, 2010
Hello ,
First off, Welcome to the board. I hope you can find the answers and support you need here.
I suppose that I can relate to the body issues you have. I was up and down with my weight for many years and when I felt over weight it affected my romantic life due to my self consciousness. My boyfriend would see I was not confidant and it was a turn off for him. I finally did get more confidant, lost my weight, and felt confidant again and in return he was more excited about being in bed with me, as a more confidant woman.
As for the porn and your boyfriend, it seems he is focusing on it to a point it is interfering with your intimacy. I would suggest talking to him and insteas of scorning him, try asking him to go to bed with you just so you can feel close to him. Tell him you miss feeling close and going to bed together a few nights a week will help.
In the mean time you can try and have more confidence in your body and self. As you gain more confidence, he will see that and be more drwn to it.
I'd tell him that by ignoring you and using porn it is only driving you far away.

Hopefully you can get him to compromise and go to bed at the same time, even if just for cuddling and affetion, a few nights a week. Be confident in bed (even if you have to fake your confidence at first) and I would guess he would respond favorably.

As for porn in general, I would not expect that he will give it up 100 percent.
Many, many men use it on occasion and it does not intefere with their love life. Its the frequency and dependancy on it that could create problems. Occasional viewing IMO is harmess.

Edited to add: I think trying to stay awake until he goes to bed so that he won't view porn is pointless. The more you try and control his viewing the more he will try to hide it feel compessed to pull away from you. Go to bed when you usually do and don't stress yourself over what he is doing, it will only lead to sleep deprivation!

Good Luck!!

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