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In need of advice
Sep 24, 2010
Just found out my husband was cheating on me. This is not the first time. I forgave him ten years ago. We have been married for 18 years with 2 kids. From what I could get out of my husband is that this woman was blackmailing him since he ended the relationship four years ago. This woman says that they have been together for 7 years and had a baby by him, but it died. She had her cousin bring over proof of his adultery, including pictures, a crime report (for putting his hands around her neck), love notes, hotel receipts, etc...

I had some money I was awarded related to a medical claim, and within months the amount I had planned to be saved was unaccounted for. This was when I was really sick and could not keep track of our money. We are now living paycheck to paycheck and found out he also had several credit cards under his name sent to a post office box. He says he didn't give her my money. But, he's a liar, so...

Needless to say I have had trust issues with him ever since the first affair, but I forgave him in time and we have had a bit of a bumpy ride off and on. When he was off of his antidepressant, he went into a manic phase and started acting strange and behaving oddly. Apparently, this was when he had this latest affair.

He has been using two phones, and when I asked him about it, he declined to answer. Now that the affair is out, he says he was talking with this woman on the other one. If he claims that his affair was four years ago, why was he still conversing with this woman? The blackmail? Also, the crime report was from less than a year ago. I confronted him with that, but he said she forced him into taking her somewhere and he was telling her to leave him alone.

On the outside he seems like a stable loving husband, but in reality I have had to live with a liar, a cheat, an emotional abuser, a narcissistic and immature man I have no respect for. Severe ADHD and diabetes with OCD tendencies are his diagnosis. We have been to many doctors and therapists. They all say the same. He must have behavior modification if he is to improve. He takes medication that has helped some.

I had to talk to someone, and I am tired of keeping this all to myself. I called his mother because I wanted her to know what has been going on and so that he can account for his actions to someone other than me. I end up seeming like the bad guy because I am upset. Of course, she and her son both have problems accepting responsibility and blame. She wants me to stay with him because of the kids and because she knows that he will end up worse off- drugs, jail, etc. He has admitted to me that if we divorce that he would go looking for companionship elsewhere- whomever she may be!

I actually never believed in divorce. My religion doesn't look kindly on it, but I can't see staying with him. I haven't got the whole story, but from what I have heard, it doesn't sound good.

My youngest happened to overhear all this. I have tried to keep it from him. He is very sensitive. But, he was there when the woman brought the bag to the door with all the evidence. Looks like she was prepared and hoping for me to divorce him. I would say she could have him, but that would only make things worse. His mother is rich and is elderly. I suppose she wants to marry him and inherit. Wouldn't that be just wonderful? I put in 18 years, put up with him and his mother, and she gets all the money?

My husband has complained of being "sexually deprived" (his words) however, looks like he was getting it double. He even pressured me not long after my stroke to have relations with him, even when I felt I was not ready.

He has surprisingly kept down a full- time job for the last four years even with all his problems. I do everything for him because he is so dysfunctional. I make all his meals, take care of his diabetes, make sure he sees the doctor, clean up after him. I try to get him to make his own decisions about things, but he makes very poor choices all around. He is nearly a hoarder and I have to be diligent about picking up after him. His mother has the same condition. I know that stress will make everything worse for him.

I know that he loves me and I love him, but I hate what he has brought on me and my family. I have to admit that I have stayed with him this long because of the kids and his and my health, but I cannot live with a compulsive adulterous.

Any thoughts, suggestions, pearls of wisdom? I want to think things through before I make any rash decisions.





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