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Advice please
Sep 25, 2010
I am an educated women. 25 years of age. I have been in long term relationships, as well as short term ones.One common pattern that I have found with myself, and a problem area that I have had so much difficulty working with, is my own insecurities, and jealousy issues.

I am an attractive women. But I doubt it sometimes, when in a relationship. I currently am in a relationship. I have known the man for 10 years. We started off as friends, and a nice relationship blossemed for3 years. After that, we ended things, and went our separate ways.

We found each other in life again, in January of 2010. We are still together, but it's not a healthy relationship. The problem is myself.

He doesn't do anything that would make me question his trust. He is loyal. He tells me what he is doing, where he is going, who he is with. He sends me gifts. As we are in a long distance relationship, both pursuing another Degree in University.

We skype often. He flies to see me every 2 months. He has a lot of old high school female friends, which he doesn't talk to. Becuase of me. I asked him not to, and he said no problem, and deleted these girls off his social networking lists. He told me they didnt mean anything to him, so he did it to ease my mind. I have been controlling him. His every move, to the point that he feels like he is a dog on a leash. He told me he feels like he is in prison. Worse then that. At least they are there for a reason. Because they did something bad. But he has done nothing wrong, and he feels like is being abused. He told me that he doesn't want the relationship anymore. That heis done being a nice guy.And controlled. That he is fed up with everything. That i always text him mean things, and accuse him of looking at agirl in a certain way, or anything for that matter. He told me he would rather not be alive, then to be in a relationship like this. This made me really want to seek help for myself. As I do not want to lose him. And even if i do. I do not want to continue my life this way.

He is 26, turning 27. He is not looking for a girl to sleep with, but a long term life partner. He is a mature man, at 26. But everytime I find out that he is going out with his female cousin, or his sister in law, or even my own sister, I cant help but feel differently. For example, if i dont hear back from him within 2 hours, i will message him mean things, like oh, i wonder what ur doing, and im disappointed in you, things along those lines. I am aware that I have a problem.

The problem is only gettng worse as the days go by. I accused him of looking at my sister, and his cousin, and sister in law, in a flirty way. I accused him of thinking bad thoughts.

I use to be in relationships where men would compare how I looked to my sister. My sister is very attractive, as am I. But, she has more features that stand out, and ive always been compared to her. At restaurants, clubs, bars, parties, vacations, you name it.

Ive been compared to other females all my life.

My boyfriend's cousin is a huge flirt. She is 30 years old, and tells me thatshe thinks my boyfriend, HER cousin, has a nice behind. that I found a good one. And that he is such a sweetheart. Am i wrong to get mad when she says this? But Ikeep my mouth shut.

This cousin goes on to tell me that if he wasnt her cousin, she would be with him?
My boyfriend knows she is wrong. But because he is a nice guy, he doesnt tell her anything, because he doesnt want to ruin his relationship with her. So he sent out an email to her, saying how serious he is about me and that he hopes that when she is serious about a man, that she would want to share that part of her life with him. She never replied back, and this was 2 months ago. when he calls to talk to me, and she is around, because we have a mutal friend, out of respect, my boyfriend will talk to her, since she happens to be there, so I pass the phone to her, an she takes the phone, and goes to another room to talk to him? Am I wrong to get mad? I want to know?

As for my sister. She can be a flirt. Even if she is in a relationship. But she isnt the type of person to betray me. We have different tastes in men, besides that, she is a very good sister. But why do I feel threatened by all these females? Even if my boyfriend does all these nice things? And loves me and only me? I have a problem.

Just yesterday, I SUGGESTED for my boyfriend to take my sister for a ride on his motorcycle. He did. But I couldnt help but think things. I have a huge problem, and I could use all the help.
Can you please give me some advice?

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