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Relationship Health Message Board


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First of all, let me say how refreshing it is to see a guy that isn't afraid to express his feelings for a girl. That having been said, you probably picked the wrong girl to fall for, and she probably was in the wrong for allowing you to fall for her.

This is not an unusual situation. I have a friend at this exact moment who is driving to Princeton to visit this girl he is madly in love with, even though she's engaged. She didn't make matters any better by telling him that if she wasn't engaged that she would want to be with him. He has clung to that thought ever since, hoping with all his heart that she will break up with her fiancee (who none of us know) even though she shows no signs of doing so.

The problem in the first place is that this girl, as well as yours, allowed herself to spend enough time and have such a relationship with another guy that she was put in a position of falling for him. If she was really in love with her boyfriend, shouldn't she be going out for drinks with HIM? I have lots of male friends who I love dearly, but when it comes time for socializing I want to be with my boyfriend. If they come along that's fine, but he's the one that's in my heart. She obviously came to the point of having some feelings for you, but didn't want to give up the stability of her relationship and probably was holding to the fact that this guy was a good one that she didn't want to let go. It may suck that she didn't come around and ditch him for you, but she probably didn't want to let a secure thing go.

Anyway, if you're looking for comfort, I think it's wise that you didn't tell her that you think her relationship with her boyfriend is a bad idea. No matter what their relationship was like, it would've come off to her like you were trying to get her to break up with him so you could "have her." It's already obvious that she was a bit uncomfortable (whether because she was attracted to you or scared of your affections) by you professing your love to her, this might have made her hostile.

I know you think that you are trying to consider her best interest, but it's been a long time now and you have to realize that you didn't have a choice here. She wanted to be with him. You telling her that it was a bad idea only would have pissed her off. I think the fact that you are having trouble getting over this situation shows that there is still a part of you that has held onto her. I think once you fall in love with someone else that you will fully let this situation go and realize that this girl is big enough to take care of herself and that you were smart to stay out of it. It probably was hard enough for her trying to figure out her feelings for both of you at once.

Just an outsiders point of view....you seem like a great guy! Her loss!





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