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Hey everyone,
I have dealt with this issue for now almost over a year. I am to the point where I just dont know where to turn or what to do. I thought maybe you all could offer a good ear or a good piece or two of advice. I'm sorry this is so long but please i need to talk to someone.

I met this guy 2 years ago and we started dating a week after we met. I was taken the first time we talked..I knew that there was something there. It quickly feel into something serious and I was nothing but extatic about it. I loved him and I knew it. He was my first love and I cant see myself loving someone else that way. Well, I lost my virginity to him and I was his first as well. That means so much to just dont know. Anyways...we dated for almost a year. Then I got really sick and I had to stay at home school. Of course, thats where I saw him everyday. Shortly after we started growing apart alittle bit. That only makes sense because we werent together as much. He found another girlfriend and apparently was cheating on me for a little bit. I found out and of course broke up with him because of it. I have a hard time dealing with trust issues now because of it. While he and I dated we fell so deeply in love we ended up pushing everyone away because we were so occupied with each other. I was completely comsumed with him..everything about him. Mind you I wasnt obbsesed I just cared so much about him. We made plans for the marriage. I thought that we had a future seemed written in the stars. When we broke up I had a horrible time dealing with everything. I couldnt stand it. I cried night and day..I stopped sleeping..I ate as a result. The weekend after we broke up I found out that he was forbid to see me by his grandparents. They searched his room and found all of our letters we had written each other. She took them and copied them and kept one copy then gave the other copies to my mom. She taped all of our phone conversations. Then finally she got what she wanted and was a part of his and my brake up. SHe wouldnt let me talk to him..see him...or anything. I was to "not exist" to her grandson. This was absolutly devestating to me because I loved him so much. My personal life that I shared with him was now in the open to her and everyone in her family. My most scared thoughts and feelings I had written to him in letters were in her hands now. I have never felt so invaded in my whole life. Since there was nothing to do but deal with this brakeup..I had to pick up all the pieces and try and move on. I did for awhile and then he came back into my life aobut 3 or 4 months later. We spent the whole weekend talking on the internet. We snuck around and met each other 3 times. The 3rd time he was caught by his grandma and she took his car away and everything when she found out he was seeing me again. A second time I was crushed because I thought my love had found me again. We were forbiden to talk or see each other once more. I had to pick up and move on. I did. I started trying to get over him by seein other ppl. Well, about 4 months ago I met someone and got pregnant by him. I will admit...he was a rebound and this pregnancy was accidental. However, I love my little boy (who is due April 1, 2003) with all of my heart and my family is supporting me every step of the way. So, I dont regret becoming pregnant at all because God wanted this little boy in my life. I was meant to be his mommy. I had just about given up completely untill today. My grandma was going into a doctors office for an appointment and guess who was sitting there.. HIM AND HIS GRANDMA. They talked for a bit and she told my g/m that she didnt know what she was going to do with him. He was doing horrible in school and was going downhill. (it started happening when he was forbid to see me) Occording to her his is about to quit school. his grandma got up to go into see the dr. and he talked to my g/m and told her that she had no idea how much hell he was going through...all last summer...and even now. He told her he was so grounded it wasnt even funny. and that he had no way of getting in touch with me and thought I had given up on him. (Last summer he asked me to wait on him and he would come back to me and we would be together as soon as he was able) She told him otherwise and that I still loved him. Apparently he told her that he still loved me too. My g/m said he looks so sad..worn down...troubled..and just down right depressed. He told her he doesnt care if he lives or dies. I cant stand to know that because I love him so much. I can barely breath without thinking of him first and theres no way that he can know that. I cant tell him. but i need too. I am so worried about him. I just dont know what to do. I would take him back in a questions asked. I just dont know what to do. I want him back more than anyone could ever know. He does have a girlfriend but his grandma said he doesnt care about her. I dont know how true that is though. I was anxious to get home because I wanted to see if he had called. I got home and he hadnt of course. Should I call over there? What do u think I should do? Forget about him? PLease let me know all your thoughts!! I'm sorry it was so long but i needed to talk! Thanks for your time..hope to get feedback!

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