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Hi All,

What is my problem??? I really need an outside perspective on my innermost there a problem with me or with my relationship??

Here is my life in the biggest nutshell I can explain: I have been dating the same guy for the past three years. Although we are two years apart, we met in college when I was a junior and he was a freshman. Currently he is a senior and I am in my second year as a teacher.

When we met, I was best friends with an absolutely gorgeous guy who I did everything with. Our relationship was platonic, but we spent every waking minute together and our feelings for each other were intense. We probably would have dated, except I was trying to do the long-distance thing with my high school boyfriend of two years. Needless to say, that didn't work out and I went into my junior year single.

In any case, I was still best friends with this other guy when my current boyfriend entered the picture. Pretty soon the three of us were always hanging out, and over time I started to have feelings for the new kid. Thus entered the worst few months of my life. My old best friend got incredibly jealous, and I just figured it was because he was worried about losing me as a friend. One night he came over crying, and told me he wanted to marry me and that he was in love with me and he didn't want to lose me to someone new. I had the hardest time knowing what to do...I really was falling hard for the new guy, but this was my best friend who everything seemed so natural with. Well, when I ended up telling both guys I wanted to be friends, my former best friend started getting psycho and I had to break the friendship off altogether. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done. And, once he was out of the picture, things naturally worked out with the other guy and we have been together ever since.

The problem? Well, after a year and a half my old best friend wrote me an e-mail wanting to put it all behind us. I forgave him instantly....we had such a magical friendship and he was over the whole thing, I was glad to reconcile. We've been out a few times since then, though we don't hang out as friends anymore.

Anyway, sometimes (and I HATE myself for feeling this way) I get this little nagging doubt that I made the wrong choice. Don't get me wrong, I love my current boyfriend. We have a great time when we are together, and are the greatest of friends. My problem is that he refuses to talk about getting married. He wants us to move in together next year and says he wants to get married down the road, but that he doesn't want to think about it yet. He's only 21, but it hurts me that he won't even consider making a commitment like that after being together for so long.

Other then that, things are fine with us. I guess I'm just looking to fill some void in myself, and I'm wondering if maybe it's that I chose the wrong guy three years ago or if I'm trying to create a problem where there really isn't one. I have a great job, and a boyfriend who is my best friend and who treats me like a princess. What am I missing that's making me feel so empty? Why do I assume that if I was with this other guy that I would be married and happy and totally whole? I have wonderful self esteem and a perfect life. What is it that I'm searching for?

If anyone has any advice or has felt empty despite having everything you could possibly want, please let me know what's wrong with me!! I've spent so much time wondering if it's him...but when I look at it all on here, I think that he and I are just fine. It's a lack of something else in my life, and I can't figure out what it is. Any suggestions??

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