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I really have no one I can share this with, so here I am exposing my ugly deeds on a message board in hopes of getting some kind of helpful advice. I already know that having an affair is a horrible thing and feel guilty just as I should. However, I'm hoping I can get some constructive feedback rather than harsh criticisms. So at the risk of being blasted for my poor judgment, here it goes...

I'm married and have been having an affair with a close friend of mine on and off for nearly a year. I say on and off because I have tried to end it more times than I can count. Every time I try to break it off he continues to pursue the relationship. I'm always weak and give in to him time and time again (I guess because of my emotional attachment to him). It would of course be easier if I could just stop talking to him or seeing him all together. Perhaps then I could swear him off for good. However, he is not only friends with me - he is friends with my husband as well. We all hang out together on a weekly basis. So how would I explain not wanting to be around him at all anymore? Wouldn't that seem suspicious? I know some people may believe that you can't clear the air until you've admitted your wrongdoings. But I could never confess the affair to my husband because it would rip his heart out. Yes, I know I've risked causing him that pain by my actions already but I really do want to avoid hurting him (and avoid a divorce). I just want to end the affair and put it behind me and never look back. I just don't know how to do this.

People always want to know why someone would decide to have an affair. (Not like any reason justifies the behavior.) But all I can say is that this other guy gives me so much affection and attention and makes me feel so loved. I'm not going to lie. Our marriage may appear fine on the surface but things certainly aren't wonderful. I love my husband but he has changed over the years and he doesn't show me much affection these days (unless it's going to lead to sex of course). I guess that's what prompted the affair to begin with, a feeling that something was lacking in my marriage - that feeling of loneliness despite my relationship with my husband. I know it's no excuse. I know it's wrong. But I figured I should at least share where I'm coming from. Perhaps there is someone out there who can understand.

Even though our marriage isn't perfect, I'm determined to make it work. I don't want to leave him for this other guy. I want to end the affair and be faithful to my husband like he deserves. But the fact that my husband is friends with him and we all spend time together regularly just complicates matters. I don't feel like I can end this affair for good unless I stay away from him. Any wise advice for a foolish woman?
Have you talked to this other guy about how you feel? Everyone is assuming that he'll get pissed off and tell your husband if you break it off with him. I don't think that's necessarily true. Of course, it could happen but not necessarily. I think you should talk to the guy, tell him how you feel. See what he says. I mean, you don't have too many choices, do you? 1. Either keep on having the affair, 2. break it off and tell your husband, 3. break it off and don't tell your husband and take a chance he finds out, 4. talk to the guy and see how he feels since avoiding him doesn't seem to be an option. If he is truly a friend then he won't cause trouble.

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