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Relationship Health Message Board

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A couple of things. You say that to avoid rejection, you always keep to yourself. You also said that you always open the door for women, and pay ALL OF THE TIME, even when they ask if it's o.k. for them to pay.

Now I don't pretend to know you from one paragraph, but it seems that you have some insecurities and maybe some low self-worth.

Did you ever know the kid in your neighborhood that always thought he had to bring something to the "party" in order to be liked?? If there was an event, he'd always offer to drive. He was often overly generous with everybody.
This guy always thought that the fact that he would show up or be there just wasn't good enough, and he had to offer incentive for people to ask him along, or to like him. Guys like this often get used as a result. They lacked the confidence that just by themselves they could offer the group something special.

I suspect that you've been hurt in the past and this has really impacted you self-esteem. You don't want to get hurt again, and so you are overly anxious to be accepted. Perhaps that's why you ALWAYS feel compelled to pay when out with a woman.

While it's good to be a gentleman, it's not always necessary to pay for every single thing that you do on a date. Especially if she offers once in a while. That's a good thing.

First you must realize that woman LOVE confidence (not arrogance). Your fear of rejection and possible issues with low self-esteem will prevent you from being confident in yourself.

Now, let's get positive. The best way to become more confident is to learn your subject matter. It's also the best way to limit your chances of rejection.
(There are many other ways in which you can build self-esteem, but there's already alot of accessable information on all that. So I'll stick to learning the subject matter.)

Rather than get into a drawn out disertation, you should go buy a bood about human sexuality or behavior. Also, many relationship books may mention the very visible signals that women give out (intentionally and subconsiously) when they are interested in you. If you become adept at paying attention to body language and positive signals and also learning the negative body language, you can increase your chances at approaching the right women and limit the chances for unnecessary rejection.

2) SOME QUICK POINTERS ABOUT WOMEN (The more you know the better)
NOTE: All women are different, and many may argue what I point out here , BUT you must realize that these are FACTS. Like laws of nature. They may seem basic, but many guys really do overlook some things.

1)Women like confident men. (improving your self-esteem will go a long way here.)
2)Women like men that are and appear clean and well groomed.

3)The real definition of a gentleman is a guy who treats woman with respect and manners, but doesn't let women walk all over him. A gentleman has his limits. He is confident enough not to be a victim (i.e. like guys that get used by women but don't even realize it). This earns him the necessary respect that is needed for any woman to truely love him.

4)Be sincere with woman. Don't try to impress them by talking about yourself. How boring is that? You must be yourself.

5) Don't talk about sex when you first meet a woman (if your serious about her). This will make her feel uncomfortable.

6) Realize that just as there are guys that aren't good for women, there are certain kinds of woman that aren't good for guys. Just like their male counterparts, they come in all shapes and sizes, education levels, economic status, race, religion, and beauty level.

So what do you look for in a woman?? What makes men the happiest and most comfortable?? What women should be avoided.

What you want:
1) Integrity. Women that are loyal and trustworthy. Also, honest.

2) Givers. It's a broad spectrum between giving and taking, but you'll be happiest with a woman that is inclined to be more of a giver. If she doesn't lean more towards being a giver, then she's more of a taker. Which would you prefer?

3) Flexibility. Avoid overly structured women. What do I mean? Structured women have much difficulty being spontaneous. They are very rigid in how they look at life. There tends not to be alot of compromise, and they can be very stubborn. Sound fun??

These are the basics. I wish you luck. Also, the fact that you're single is no big deal. You probably run pretty deep and were hurt badly in the past. Try to do some self-esteem increasing activities (working out, learning something, or getting involved in a charitable organization. There are many ways.)

Also, don't worry too much about falling in love. It will come when you're ready, happy with yourself, and probably not looking. But go get ready and start building self-confidence.

Take care.

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