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i've been going out with my boyfriend for almost two years now, and looking back, i realize that sometimes there's been a lot of conflict between what my parents want for me and what my boyfriend wants...and in between that, sometimes i don't know what i want for myself...

i love my boyfriend sooooo much, its just that he's been played by a lot of girls before he went out with me and he's just overprotective sometimes because of that...like, he doesn't like it when i go to family parties and stuff like that...but its been like that for a while and its getting better tho because he doesn't get as upset about stuff like that anymore...

but also, he doesn't like me talking about any boys...he once got upset with me because i saw a commercial with kobe bryant in it and i said kobe was cute...he was just jealous i guess...but i didn't think he would get mad over something like that, u know?

and also, lately the biggest fights that we have are about college...we're both gonna be going to college next year, and i'm planning on staying local because i want to be with him...he has to go to a certain school because his mom is the director of the school, so i agreed to stay around the area for college...but he doesnt want meeh to go the college that my parents want me to go to because he knows some kids there and he doesn't like them because of something that had to do with his ex...

i don't know what to do? before, he made me promise to go the the college that he was going to because he wanted me to be with him there, but i think i can do better than that college...i don't know what to do...

and also, my parents sometimes force me to go to family parties, but my guy doesn't like it if i go to parties because he's afraid of me meeting other guys there...(he's really scared of me cheating on him because so many of his exes cheated on him and played him)...so i don't know what to do because my parents want one thing, but he wants another thing...and i don't want to upset either of them

i don't mean to make him sound bad or anything, and if i have, then i didn't explain things right...we love each other so much, its just that sometimes we get overprotective of each other...

my boyfriend used to be really controlling but he's not as controlling anymore...and he respects me in every way, its just that he's overprotective...like, he doesn't like me to wear really revealing clothing because he doesn't want guys coming up to talk 2 me or flirt with me...he doesn't like guys looking at me and stuff...but i guess i wouldn't want any girls grillin him either, u kno what i mean...so i don't mind that as much...

if anyone has been in a similar situation, pls give me any input or advice...thanx!

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*bebe babu*

[This message has been edited by bebe_babu (edited 02-18-2003).]
Talk about an insecure boyfriend
You summed it all up right there at the beginning…I don't know what I want for myself!!

Why do you think you love your boyfriend so much??

There is NO reason for him to get upset about you going to family parties!! None, I don't care who cheated on him. That's crazy to get mad about you going to family parties.

"he doesn't like me talking about any boys...he once got upset with me because i saw a commercial with kobe bryant in it and i said kobe was cute...he was just jealous i guess"

Jealous is an understatement

"the biggest fights that we have are about college...we're both gonna be going to college next year, and i'm planning on staying local because i want to be with him...he has to go to a certain school because his mom is the director of the school, so i agreed to stay around the area for college..."

Where do YOU want to go? not your boyfriend not your parents - YOU! You cannot let this boy tell you where to go to college. This is the beginning of the rest of your life. This is your future, your career. You need to go where you want to go. (But as far as parents, I suppose you need to listen to their 2 cents if they are paying for it)

"but he doesnt want me to go the college that my parents want me to go to because he knows some kids there and he doesn't like them because of something that had to do with his ex...""

That's bologna!! He doesn't want you to go elsewhere b/c college will open up a world of possibilities for you in which he thinks he will not be a part of.

"before, he made me promise to go the the college that he was going to because he wanted me to be with him there, "

Made you promise? pleeaassee!

"…but i think i can do better than that college...i don't know what to do..."

If you think you can do better than the college your boyfriend is going to then you can do better.

"(he's really scared of me cheating on him because so many of his exes cheated on him and played him)..."

how old is this boy? your age I assume by the college conversation. You've been dating him for 2 years that would put you both at mid-sophmore when you started dating. Come on, you mean to tell me that he is going to base your relationship on relationships he had when he was a freshman or younger?

"he respects me in every way, its just that he's overprotective..."

Respect? that is not what he is doing!!

All that to say, bebe you are way to young to be in this kind of relationship. These are supposed to be your fun years. You should not have to walk on eggshells around this guy about what you wear or don't wear, who you talk to or who talks to you.

It's imperative that you start making your own decisions. There is no better time than now to learn from your mistakes. College is a wonderful place for learning and getting to know new people. It will open your eyes to what you have to offer the world and what it can offer you.

Do not let your boyfriend tell you what to do, what to wear, or where to go to college. He does not love you or respect you. If you love someone you want the absolute best for that person no matter how hard it is. He is holding you back for selfish reasons and you are letting him.

You two need to have a serious talk before you regret the choices you will make. You are coming to a time in your life that will affect your future. Your future - not his. You need to think about you first. Stand up for yourself!!

Please think about this. My sister went through the same thing and well now she wishes it was all different…it could've been.

Please do not take this as me being mean or rude. I am not trying to be I just think that you are to good and to young to be in such a controlling relationship.

Don't let this boy hold you back!!!


[This message has been edited by BettyRose (edited 02-18-2003).]





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