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Relationship Health Message Board

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Relationship issues
Feb 25, 2003
hi. i am new here. well, i've having some issues with my girlfriend. actually, she is having issues, and i'm having a hard time deciding what i should do about them. i'll cut to the chase...

we've been dating only 6 weeks. she's never had a boyfriend, we are in college, and she's incredibly attached to me. obviously, i, too, am attached to her; i care for her a great deal, and want the best for her.

she suffers from depression and eating disorders. she tells me all the time she doesn't want to see me because she is far too concerned with her weight. of course i tell her the usual, "you aren't fat, you are gorgeous, please don't think that..." but obviously, to someone with these problems, what i say phases her none. every day i desire to see her i have to convince her that she is presentable to me, and that i should be able to see her. usually it works, but not always. nearly every day i talk to her i have to make her feel better about herself, and deal with her crying and her hating herself--it's not easy for me, and it's definetely not easy for her.

i constantly tell her that if she lets this thing get too out of hand, i will not be able to deal with it. there will come a point in the relationship when i just can't take her avoiding me, or when i just can't take it that she is very sick and gains no weight (thinking she is doing the best), and never leaves her house. she is not at that point yet, but she is very determined that she needs to lose a lot of weight because she thinks she's fat--and she is taking different measures to lose more and more weight. she only weighs 127 lbs and is 5'8" this is absurd that she thinks she's fat, but even if i tell her that, she can't believe me. she says she wants for her bones to stick out, and that she likes people to tell her "you are far too skinny."

i do my best to try and convince her otherwise, but i usually just feel like **** about the matter. my help is useless. she is in love with me, and tells me i am the only thing in her life that she enjoys.

what the hell am i supposed to do? sometimes i can't decide if i should stay in the relationship and be there for her all the time and try to persevere through the relationship; or if it would just be best to get out now before not only does she get sicker, but she gets so attached to me that if i left, she may become suicidal or something just as drastic--like getting thinner (thinking i am breaking up with her because of her weight). keep in mind, she does have depression also. i'm really confused, and cannot decide what to do. i care for her a lot, and leaving her is not something i want to do at all, but i'm not sure if maybe it is the best thing to do? i tell her it's not about what she wants (the desire to be thinner) but what she has to admit to herself (that she is sick) and has to do to fix the problem. please help me make a rational decision here...

[This message has been edited by wowzers (edited 02-25-2003).]

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