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Am I being needy?
Mar 10, 2003
Yuck !! Am I being needy without noticing it or am I justified in my feelings?

I've been dating this man for a little over 2 months now. I know it hasn't been very long, but honestly, I'm totally, madly, deeply in love with him. He's everything I've been looking for.

I've never been a 24 / 7 person, honestly, most people end up aggrivating me because they want to spend way too much time together and I'm a firm believer in people keeping their lives. If that makes sense.

The problem here is .....it seems the only time I really get to spend any time with this man is during the week. If I do see him on the weekend, it's for a couple of hourse one day and then not the rest of the weekend.

Aren't most relationships the opposite? He's a divorced man that has joint custody of his two children. He has them for two weeks and then his ex-wife has them for two weeks. During his "off time" when his kids are with their mom, you'd think maybe we'd spend some time together on the weekend, right?

Nope - his parents that live 3 hours away are ALWAYS here. I mean always. They come every weekend. This man is an only child and his parents literally eat, live, breathe him. The first time I met them, they spent several hours praising their son, his life, his accomplishments. I'm all for being proud of your children, but this was something I'd never seen. During dinner his parents were actually arguing over who got to pass him the salt shaker when he asked for it. Does that seem strange to anyone else? Also, since then, his parents seem extremely jealous whenever I'm around. If this man speaks to me, his parents will cut in with something to say to him, or find a reason to call him into another room ....it's strange. The last time they were here, I went over for dinner and his father actually left the room and went and sat in another room while I was there.

This weekend is his b-day so I was trying to plan something nice, however, his parents of course, are coming. He says "Sat we will be working on the race trailer, then working on the screens, then working on, blah blah blah ....then we'll be cooking dinner, you're more than welcome to join us" ....Well, of course I don't want to join them.

It's uncomfortable for me to sit there knowing how they hate it that I'm there.

I told him, I didn't want to come over, and that maybe we could do something the next weekend to celebrate his b-day ...of course, he's busy that weekend also.

Am I over reacting that I never see him on the weekends? Am I being "needy" that I'd like to spend some alone time with him on the weekend?

How can I tell him about this without seeming like I'm putting his parents down or without causing problems between us.

Thanks.
Personally, I think the whole situation sounds like trouble. It's one thing to have a great relationship with your parents, but this guy seems more interested in spending time with them then you. If he was serious about his relationship with you, he would find some one-on-one time for you on the weekends.

Maybe he knows how much his parents dwell on him and wants to make them happy? Maybe he's hesitant to spend lots of time with you because you've only been together a few months? Still, I can only imagine what a marriage to this guy might be like....his parents stopping over ALL the time and trying to take over the conversation, working to turn him against you. What's up with THAT? Shouldn't they want their son to be dating and happy instead of trying to run his life?

This could turn out to be a major issue in the future. I don't think you are being needy at ALL...you are just asking to have some sort of priority in his life and obviously his parents and children are filling that role right now. That doesn't make him a bad person, but it does make him a lousy boyfriend. If he doesn't make time for you and make you feel like a special person in his life, he's not worth staying with.
Your next mission (after being wonderfully sweet to his parents on his birthday) is to inSIST on a "day away", "just the two of you"!!!
Have fun!
Bj
I'm thinking that its a tad unhealthy for him to be having his parents around so often. Does he actually enjoy them being there so much? I know I wouldn't like it. I would rather spend time with my g/f or my regular friends than hang out with my parents. Don't get me wrong, I have a great time with my parents but I wouldn't want them around that much.What about sex? Doesn't he want time alone to make love to you? I would hate to think he would put his parents in front of that..lol





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