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Relationship Health Message Board

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Annoying Friend
Mar 30, 2003
Hi guys,
I have this friend, Janet, who I've known for two years. In the past several months I haven't really liked being around her cause I feel like she brings me down. She's 31 and I'm 23. I'm a very optimistic, well-educated, happy person. I started a business a year ago with another friend of mine. So right now I'm self-employed, but my business partner and I have yet to make an income from our business so we've found other sources of income (tutoring high schools students). However we spend most of our time working on our business because we see a lot of potential in it. My friend, Janet, who did not go to college, just lost her job about 2 months ago and I think this might be the reason for her change in behavior.

Okay, so here's the problem. I feel that whenever I tell Janet about something that is bothering me, she just says things to make me feel worse. I complain about my lack of love life. She says I'm too young and shouldn't be in a serious relationship until I'm 28. (her boyfriend is 24!) I told her how my parents think I should go to school or start looking for a job, and it upsets me cause I feel they don't have faith in what I'm pursuing. She says she agrees with my parents that I should get a job. These are just a few examples. This last one really got me. I was telling her how I was upset cause I got the yuko system done on my hair, and lately I've been having to use my chi iron to make my hair silky straight. She said I must be using my chi iron wrong! This really upset me. She says things to me as if I have no idea what I'm doing! And this is totally not even the type of person I am. I like to keep myself educated. Before I do anything new, I always research and ask questions to make sure I'm getting the highest quality. To put it simple, I'm a very cautious, meticulous, sometimes anal person, and her pointing out all the things she thinks I'm doing wrong in my life is driving me crazy.

I like to think I'm an open minded person who is able to receive criticism, but I feel her criticism is somewhat irrational. We come from two different backgrounds. I have a great relationship with my parents and have always leaned on them for support. She was married right out of high school, divorced, hates her parents, and doesn't really like her recent boyfriend, but lives with him. When we became friends, she was helping me through a difficult time in my life. She is a good friend. Right now she is going through some difficult stuff, and I understand that this might be why she behaves the way she does, and I want to be a good friend to her. But it's become difficult for me to want to even be around her. What do you guys think I should do?

Thanks in advance,

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