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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


#1Texan:

well, i did understand what you were saying completely; sorry if i sounded confused in my response, i was merely trying to tie in both of our responses together into one big happy subject (if that makes even the slightest bit of sense). regardless of if that last sentence makes any sense, i DO understand what you were trying to say, and i do agree. it doesn't, however, really pertain to this particular situation. i am attracted to both her mind and body, and she is attracted to me in the same way; yet, she doesn't make the situation that simple.

Kimianne:

i appreciate you telling me i am unselfish, and it makes me feel better about my position in this situation. i tend to think differently though--and i can't really explain why. for some reason, i just feel that since i'm NOT helping her in any drastic ways, or any noticeable ways (and getting her to go to a doctor is not helping HER, it's taking action's that may or may not help her, but i didn't actually help her myself), then nothing i am doing for her is unselfish--it may not be selfish either, but if i'm accomplishing nothing, then it's hard for me to see my deeds as unselfish.

to be honest with you, and maybe you can relate (since you once had a disorder also), she tends to disrespect me at times, this even consisting of lying to me to make me happy (which obviously doesn't work, when i figure out the lies). this is another battle she faces, and thinks the only way to make people she loves happy is by lying to them and telling them what they want to hear, rather than the truth. even though i've only known her ~4 months now, we've been through some really aggravating and hurtful situations, mostly consisting of her treating me ...not so great. i don't disrespect her any because of it, and i don't look down on her for taking part in these hurtful actions, because i know that when she realizes she's hurting someone she loves (me), then she quickly feels hurt, and ashamed of herself.

and, to conclude, i feel that there is still some hope between the two of us, that one day an understanding romantic relationship will exist. i assume the worst, and hope for the best always, but in this situation, it seems that my hope is outweighing my assumptions. maybe this is good? who knows? but i can say that i've had enough time to separate my emotional feelings (to an extent) for her, and i have come to the realization that i do not have it in my heart to abandon her. i feel like moving on, and forgetting about her (which happens a lot between ex-bf/ex-gf, mind you) would be abandonment. most of my friends and family tell me to move on, and that i can't help her. well, even if i can't help her, i would feel much better trying--i hope. i just don't have the heart to leave her; sure, i may have helped her a great bit since i first met her, but helping someone isn't enough for me--i either have to completely accomplish or completely fail. in this situation, i don't feel like there is a complete failure. over time, she may push me away from her, and i may not mean anything of great importance to her, but if that's what she thinks she needs from me, then i will feel like i have accomplished something (although i would be upset with that decision). right now, under her current circumstances, i don't feel like she could let me go at all, and i feel like leaving her would only make things more difficult for her.

sprout:

thanks you also. it is quite a frustrating situation, and quite an uncontrollable (from my perspective) one at that. she doesn't like to be the way she is and would want nothing more than to get rid of her disorders...but, at the same time, her fear of becoming "fat" is far greater than the desire to rid herself of such a controlling disease.

truthfully, i just try to be there for her. she doesn't talk to me so much anymore about all of her problems, because she feels selfish for inflicting me with her pain. i guess that's understandable, although i wish she would talk to me when she needs to get something out. i give her plenty of uplifting advice when i see it is needed, and i have a feeling that some of it does soak in to her at times, and that makes me happy; i also compliment her and elaborate on her potential as a person when i feel it's needed, and i definetely can tell i make her feel better in situations such as that. i never really get properly "thanked" for supporting her, or for not getting upset with her when she does something that hurts me (which she cannot usually control), but for some reason, i don't feel like i need to be thanked--not yet anyway, heh. i have this feeling like one day all my hard work and support for her will pay off; that is a pretty selfish feeling.

thanks once again for all the comments; please continue with them if you wish...i certainly do :)





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