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i thank you for commending me firstly. you are quite correct when you say this isn't the time in her life for a guy, and i'm slowly coming to realize that, and forgetting about romantics ever playing a part in our relationship again. and you are also very correct when you say i easily get attached. there really is no other way to say this without sounding sorry for myself, but the reason i get so attached is because the opportunities do not come along much for me. i've been in college two years now, and dated one girl. oh, i have asked many, but i have failed more than enough times to bring my self-confidence to a minimal amount, and quite frankly, i just assume they will always say no, and therefore do not ask anymore. a bad mentality, of course it is; but a realistic one under my circumstances, this is also true. and to be completely honest with you, your whole few lines about these being the best years of my life, and "finding available women is not an easy task" actually really depresses me, and after reading that, it took a lot of thinking on my part to decide a good response as to why that bothered me, and the reason is just what i have said. i'm sure a lot of this has to do with laziness on my part...but not really. like i said, i've given looking for girls quite a shot before, and the one time i was successful was when i wasn't looking, and she just showed up. i'm a christian and have joined many church organizations and gotten pretty involved in them. i've even asked a few of the girls out from these various organizations--rejection every time. and of course, the end result is me giving up. i don't know what to tell you there...

pertaining to the situation: if someone else were to come along, i wouldn't say to them "sorry, i'm waiting on my ex-gf to get over her eating disorder, and i won't date anyone while i'm waiting..." i'm pretty sure i would date the person, but, ...there is no one else at the moment, and my chances for finding someone else are just slim, at least that's how i see it. and i would definetely agree that just because i may not find other girls to date does NOT mean that i have to be really close to this girl. and i don't expect that i'll ever have a romantic relationship with her again, and if i do, i don't really expect it to work out. but, i do hope that it happens, and do hope that it works out, which is why i feel selfish in this situation a lot. and to make things more selfish, maybe i hope this because of the conveniency factor and i think, "well, i found a girl, it'll be another 3 years till the next one comes along, so might as well not let go of this one..." i would feel ashamed of myself if that were my reasoning, but i really don't think it is, or at least, i don't think that's all of my reasoning.

back to her, and what you said about eating disorders. two weeks after she had broken up with me, she went from 127 lbs to 115 lbs...that's 12 lbs in TWO weeks. also, keep in mind that she is 5'7". well, her "goal" at 115 lbs was to weigh just under 100 lbs, and then she would miraculously stop her eating disorders--yeah, sure. i tried to make it a realization to her that weight was NOT the main concern here, but the feeling of control was the concern, and that she would not stop at 100lbs. she eventually believed me, but kept on losing weight, hoping our assumption would prove to be incorrect. needless to say, since she lives with her parents, her mom caught on to her drastic loss of weight, and basically made her eat more food, and she gained most of the 12 lbs back that she had lost. she is moving out of her parent's house this summer, will be under the care of NO one, and i honestly don't expect her to stay out of the hospital for much of her first year in college. that scares me a lot, and that has nothing to do with a romantic relationship with her at all. i fear for her as a person, and i don't have the heart to lessen my care and concern for her enough to just be a peppy and careless person about some girl i dated that had to go to the hospital because of an illness. that just sounds wrong to me.

i'm curious as to how you dealt with your friends' disorders? i could really use a "real life story" to base my actions on, and i think you would be one to hear from. i thank you very much for your advice, and i do respect it a great deal. as far as "missing opportunities by staying with this girl" goes--i was single for 3 years before i met her, and arising opportunites at the present are unlikely, but if they happen, i won't hesitate to become involved in them; and also, from a friendly perspective, you know what it's like to have a friend with a disorder such as this, and regardless of their gender, i'm sure you can understand how easy it is to become entangled and concerned with the security of friends' lives. thanks again for your help, and i look forward to hearing another word or two of advice from you and any others who may have it.



[This message has been edited by wowzers (edited 04-17-2003).]





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