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Ok everyone. I'm not sure how any of you can help me out on this but maybe give me your two cents. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and four months. Normally he's not the type of guy I go for...in that (1) he's a bit older than the guys I'm used to dating and (2) he was married before. BUT he's the love of my life and the one I want to be with for the rest of my life. We talk about "when" we get married ALL THE TIME. I'm practically living with him right now...even though I still have my own apartment...I haven't stayed there in over a year!!! {it's a looong story on why I don't just move in...but I won't until we're married} We're with each other just about all the time except when he's at work or when I'm at work (he works mornings I tend to work nights 2-3 times a week). He's my everything as I know I'm his. His X wife cheated on him and wanted to end the marriage to be with the guy she was sleeping with on the side...so be it. I know he was devastated on the betrayal and I can understand where he is coming from...on not really wanting to rush into anything and get married now. He wants the next time to be the last time...and he tells me he's as sure as he can be right now that I'm the one. I would NEVER push marriage onto him...just don't want to be one of those women...especially with all that he's been through. I WANT to marry this guy. I can't wait until the day I'm his wife. The thing is there are days for whatever reason I wonder if it'll ever happen. Why would a guy talk about "when" we get married rather than "if" we get married one day if he never plans on getting married...and he's not getting any younger so why waste his time??? I JUST WANT THE RING!!!
jeffsgal,

I can understand your desire to move on to the next level. However, it seems that your boyfriend just isn't ready to take that step yet...despite the fact that he finds it a very real possibility in the future.

I do not think that this is about *you*. This is about him and the defenses that he has built up as a result of a failed marriage. He has some reservations and understandably so. I can relate to him because I have serious reservations about getting married again in the future as well.

Besides, one year and four months of dating isn't an unusually long time for dating before marriage. My significant other and I have been dating for four years now and we have not made it down the aisle either. Yes, we have talked about it and both of us have the desire to go there eventually. However, I am the one that has held that up. There are various reasons why, however, the main one is that I do not want to get married again if there is even a small doubt in my mind that the marriage will be a success.

Try to be patient and know that if marriage is in the future for the two of you...it will happen. Try not to focus so much on the ring and what it means and just enjoy the fact that you have found a man that you love so deeply and seems to love you just as much. Give him the time that he needs to be comfortable with the prospect of actually walking down the aisle instead of merely talking about it.

There are many couples out there that date for several years before finally getting married. It is easy to talk about "when" we get married...and quite another thing to actually take that leap of faith and "get" married.

I wish both of you all the happiness you deserve,

sprout





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