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So I'm back and tickled to see a little more discussion. Gina...what was that dang book? Codependent No More? Missy, buy it, read it, have him read it, give quizzes! but anyway, back to what I started to post earlier. For whatever reason, be it a bad childhood or insecurities over being overweight, short funny looking or whatever, so many people have a 'reason" to feel like a victim. There are more excuses than anyone person can count for crying out loud! And believe me, I speak from experience having been a "victim" most of my life. First, I was a victim of alcoholic parents (boo frickin hoo) then I was a victim of the popular kids at school (wah wah) and then I was a victim of a drug using boyfriend and then an evil boss and finally an abusive husband. Poor poor me! Looking back, how often was I really a victim? Maybe with the parents but, they didn't hit me or yell at me and gave me everything I needed or wanted so I guess I did OK. The kids at school? I didn't really like them now that I think of it. The first boyfriend, the druggie? I closed my eyes and ignored it or used with him. The alcoholic, abusive ex husband? I shoulda known he was an a**hole because of how he treated his first wife. My own fault all of it. I have been through moments of codependency but think that finally FINALLY! I can look at my life and realize that it sucks to be miserable. When I am upset with my fiance, I say listen, you know when XYZ happened, I felt 123. I have learned to send "I" messages and not you messages. I don't mope because I think he MIGHT be upset with me, I ask if he is and then ask why. If I screwed up, I apologize. If he's being a dink, I tell him. Of course, now that he is not drinking it works a lot better but hey! I call him meathead and he calls me knucklehead and we both mean "my beloved darling" or something to that effect. And I truly wish that people everywhere could have the kind of relationship we now have. So many people are just looking to have high drama in their lives that they wouldn't know a good relationship if it bit them on the nose!!! In a ddition to being codependent, people are so passive aggressive and dishonest not only with others but with themselves about what they are feeling. How on earth can someone else love or like you if you can't??? Knowe what I mean? Ans just for clarification, I am using a generic you... not YOU MISSY or anyone else. I find it heartbreaking that so many people feel that their lives need to be a soap opera in order for them to exist. Ask yourselves questions like are my highs higher and my lows lower than everyone else's? Do little things seem life or death to me?
Missy, in your post about the couch, people were asking you if you realized that your DH sounds OCD. I think maybe that was a little strong. And hearing of such a background as a Spanish kid raised by Italians, it sheds a little light on his dramatic side. (I lived in Spain...the Spanish are wonderful, vibrant PASSIONATE people who tend to be very vocal about their likes and dislikes. God bless 'em) Can I ask you, does he drink at all? Even if he isn't out of control, perhaps their are some alcoholic behaviors there, i.e. being controlling. My brother in law to be isn't an alcoholic but having grown up around them, he has the same attitudes as my fiance in that he is very controlling, selfish blah blah blah.
But I digress. I started the addicted to misery thread because it seemed at the time to me that some people were on whining about bad situations that were more or less created by themselves and they were surprised that people didn't just validate every little complaint that they had. Which is not to say that I haven't posted looking for validation from time to time nor am I daying that I have never created drama in my own life. Recent history and a certain fiance going to Florida with out me hsow otherwise, eh Gina? However, if I am going to lay my truth out for frankly, a bunch of strangers to see, I am not going to whine if someone says something contrary to what I want to hear. Why waste the energy? Just skip to the next post for Pete's sake!!
I truly wish everyone that posts here happiness and health but I also truly feel that so many posting are their own worst enemies in acheiving either.
Phew. I'm done. Hope someone still likes me.





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