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Relationship Health Message Board

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This may not be what you want to hear, but hopefully it will help a little:

There are some quirks that people can overlook in a partner and some that they can't. Different people have different peeves, and for some people smoking is a major turn-off. I am one of those people. I dated a guy for two years in high school who was a smoker. For awhile, the stars in my eyes made it possible to ignore how I felt. However, after a few months it really started to bother me. I am allergic to smoke and was getting sick from being in his car or having the odor on my clothes. Every time I kissed him I could taste it. We had to leave places or functions so he could get a cigarette. He was a total slave to those things....and after awhile I started losing respect for him because of his lack of willpower (this was also the case with food, spending money, etc. so smoking was not the ONLY issue).

There came a point where I was missing out on other opportunities to date because of him. I realized that I couldn't possibly be with someone that was a was too big of a difference to have with someone I wanted to share my life with. That wasn't the ONLY reason I broke up with him, but it was certainly a part of it.

Anyway, I really feel like I understand where your boyfriend is coming from. It's not that he doesn't like you or doesn't like being around you, but this is a turn-off to him. Imagine him gaining 100 pounds or always tasting like onions and refusing to do anything about it...wouldn't that be a turn-off? The habit itself is a turn-off to him, but so is the fact that you can't and won't quit. He's also probably has strong doubts that you are a good match for him because you have lied to him so constantly. He's not dumb...there have been plenty of signs that you are still smoking. He probably feels, like I did, that smoking has such a large hold on you that you are now being dishonest with him. In some ways, it probably feels to him like smoking is a bigger priority to you then he is. That's the way I felt sometimes.

For some people, this probably seems like such a small, non-problematic issue. That's the type of person you need to seek a relationship with, not someone who can't stand smoking. If that is the only reason he's breaking up with you, you can make the decision of whether he's worth quitting or not. However, smoking may not be the only issue your relationship needs to deal with....the lying has pushed him to a point where he no longer trusts you, and I think you need to deal with that just as much as you need to deal with your habit.

Good luck...let us know what you decide to do!

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