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Relationship Health Message Board


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Ana,

I sort of can commiserate with your situation regarding your boyfriend's ex-girlfriend. My boyfriend dated his ex for 3 1/2 years, during most of which they lived together. He moved out about 2 years ago, and started dating me six months ago. She definitely HAS NOT gotten over him, and has tried to sabatoge our relationship by calling him nightly, arranging times for them to meet, yelling/glaring at me whenever (which is rare) that we encounter each other, and stealing my stuff from his apartment :(.

In many ways, I feel he has led her on by remaining friends with her, and I'm not going to lie when I say the pictures of her (and them) still in his apartment bother me. I also harbor that bad feeling inside knowing that he hasn't been as strong against her as he could be-- and I can see why your boyfriend is having even more trouble seeing has he he has a child with this woman.

Although your boyfriend will be forever bound to this woman because they share a child, he LOVES you. I'll bet you can tell by the look in his eyes when you guys are together, and he's made the concious choice to be with you OVER her. So, don't worry about her manipulations getting the best of him because they certainly won't work in a romantic sense.

My advice would be-- PATIENCE. If you choose to be with this man, you're (unfortunately) also choosing to deal with these problems. Make it easier on yourself and him by trusting him, having faith in your love, and praying that things will get easier and better in time.

To take a more active approach, I would also consider seeking a therapist (together) for advice and tactics on how to deal with the ex, while accepting that you can't get rid of her completely from both of your lives. I haven't done this yet, but I'm planning on it for my problem. I can certainly let you know how it goes.

It's not the best advice, but I hope it helps... GOOD LUCK!





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