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Relationship Health Message Board


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I wrote this in reply to another post, but as I look around at the state of marriage today, I figured maybe I should repost it under it's own topic because I'd like a lot more people to read it. It seems to me that too many people get married today with the thought that "if it doesn't work out we can just get divorced".

EddieDean wrote:
[quote]Remember: he doesn't need to be your twin. He's a separate person with separate flaws and characteristics. Realize that you will probably never find someone who is EXACTLY the same as you, but that differences can be fun, too.[/quote]

I think this is a major point that way too many people miss nowadays - witness the divorce rate. It's important to find someone you are compatable with - not identical to. The differences not only make it fun, they are absolutely necessary! Otherwise life gets pretty boring, pretty fast.

We had a passage from Kahlil Gibran's "The Prophet" read during our marriage ceremony (yeah - got married in the '70's) but it has always rung true to how we have approached our union.

It goes in part:

[i]Let there be spaces in your togetherness
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you

Love one another, but make not a bond of love
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls

Fill each others cup but drink not from one cup
Give one another your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music

Give your hearts, but not into each others keeping
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts
And stand together yet not too near together
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grows not in each others shadow.[/i]

I can honestly say that this is how we have handled our life together - and something must be working cuz we have been married 24 years and together 29 (we were mere infants when we met - I can't be that old!)

Relationships go through phases - there have been many times my hubby and I walk the same path - but there have been just as many times that we have allowed each other to grow in ways that the other couldn't really accompany - just stand on the sidelines cheering the venturer on. We were still together in our separateness because we always knew that no matter what we had the others support.

It wasn't always easy -sometimes you venture out and realize that the different paths are leading farther away from each other - but since we had made our committment to each other, when we felt that happening we would stop and find our way back to a common path, regroup and then continue. It's a matter of staying conscious - not just allowing yourself to wake up one day and find out you've grown apart.

For example - hubby and I decided after a very stressful period in our life due to his career taking off and moving, to take a cruise. As we walked up the gangplank, we said - "no talk of work or kids till we disembark"...we stared at each other for 2 days with nothing to talk about! We made a very important realization on that cruise and renewed our committment to our relationship and redicovering the joy in each other.

Good relationships don't just happen - they grow over time through the work and committment of the people involved.





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