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Hi, I am in the EXACT same position. Here is my story, if it helps or if you care.

When I started dating my guy, things were great. We went out all of the time, we did all sorts of things. He came to my house, we stayed out late. Things couldn't have been better for me. When I first met his mom, I thought she was nice. She hugged me and talked to me for a few minutes. She seemed to be nice although she is super old and I knew she was somewhat needy considering she had just lost her husband (my guys dad) a year before.

Anyway, after my guy and I got more serious, we moved in together. That is when all the crap started. She became our worst nightmare. She would call multiple times a day asking for favors and if my guy was too busy with work she would get mad at him. She would accuse him of not loving her, she would make all these wild accusations and comments. One time, for my birthday, my guy was going to take me out for a date to Disneyland and she didn't speak to him for 2 weeks because my guy didn't invite her. She began to resent me b/c my guy and I spent so much time together. But, something to understand is God's design. We live with our moms and dads until we meet someone. We get married and move out and start our OWN family. Its like animals, we leave our mothers and have our own children. It is a cycle. Yet, as humans, we have feelings and attatchments.

Anyway, my mother in law got so mad at my guy b/c he had dinner with MY mother on his birthday. She got in a huge fight and refused to speak with my guy for a year. We decided to get married somewhere in that time frame. My guy tried to talk to her, contact her, sent her an invitation, call her. He tried so many things to contact her for our wedding. Anyway, being the rotten person she is (my op) she didn't come to her own son's wedding. It just torks me and I get so mad when I think about it. Anyway, some point after the wedding, she called my guy and wanted to "make up". Things were going OK for a while, and she started back up again. She always says horrible things to my guy. One time, my guy was at work which was about 40 minutes away from her and she wanted my guy to go pick up her prescriptions and soda. (she has her own car and is able to drive.) My guy said he didn't have time to and she refused to talk to him for about 2-3 weeks. She is just a crazy, selfish, nut case that happens to be the mother of the man I love more than anything.

You probably won't be able to ever change her. But keep this in mind, you are marrying this man. This man that you are marrying is chosing you as his wife. You are eachothers first priority. NOTHING can come before eachother. Your mom in law will have to learn to deal with it. Don't let her get you down. If necessary, disassociate yourself from her. I had to. I am never disrespectful to my guys family, I actually get along with his aunt very well, but I don't go around his family very much. It is sad. I always dream of the picture perfect family-in-law but it isn't reality for me....or you for that matter.

Just hang in there. You guy loves you and his mom won't get in the way of that. Of course, he loves her too, he wants to help her, he wants to be a good person to her and to you. But, his efforts can only go so far. If your mom-in-law is anything like mine, nothing is ever good enough. My guy can spend an entire weekend with her and she will get pissed when he has to leave. (She does NOT live alone, either. It would be different if she were all by herslef, but she isn't. She has another son who lives with her. But, get this, she said that my guy was the good son and should still live with her to take care of her. For hell sake, she had to buy diapers for him when he was a baby, he owes it to her.) (I swear that is what she said.)

I apologize for making this so long. I just feel for you. You have no idea what you are getting yourself into. But who knows, she might change. Might not. In any case, just make the best of it and love your husband no matter what. Remember, HE is in a horrible situation. Just be there fir him. You don't have to be there for her if things get that bad. Don't sacrifice your happiness for her.

I sure do hope things work our for you and for anyone else in our shoes.

Take care.

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