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I guess I'll have to start at the begining so you know what I'm talking about, so I hope you're ready for this. I met my current b/f, fiance, in march on 01, just a few weeks after I had my second child. I had to give that child up for adoption due to it being a rape baby and I know I wouldn't be able to really accept and love it the way that he (the baby) deserves. Obviously beeing disturbed at having to give up my own flesh and blood had me upset. Well I met my b/f and he made me happy, so I thought. All I really wanted to do was drink and have a good time with my friends to forget about my loss. So in the begining of the relationship that is all that it was just hanging out and drinking, no sex due to my 6 weeks not up and I was NOT about to get pregnant again.

Well two of his cousins from out of state came to live with him for a while and all they would do was go to strip clubs. One of his cousins is a girl and one a guy. Now I really can't stand strip clubs at all. I'm one of those people who think they are degrading and it just makes me sick to think that someone that I am with would go to one when he is with me. I asked him several times not to go, but his response was always "I have to show my family a good time while they are here"...YEAH RIGHT!!

He ended up going to Colorado and Cancun Mexico with his cousins. He would call me at work to tell me how much fun he was having at Cancun. I can only imagine how much fun they were having, they were down there for some kind of stripping contest. Anyway, when he finally came back from his little vacation, the male cousin that was over before came back, with another male cousin, but the female cousin stayed in Colorado. Hopefully it isn't too confusing because it gets worse.

We went back to hanging out and drinking all of the time, and then we started having sex as my 6 weeks were up and I was back on birth control. Here is where it gets interesting. They (my bf and his 2 male cousins) started hanging out with little girls. Now when I say little girls I mean that the guys were 21-my bf, 18 & 19 and the girls were 13-15. I had a big problem with this and I told my bf about it which only caused fights. He always told me that the girls were for his cousins and that he had to keep them happy.

Ok, can anyone explain why 3 guys need to hang out with 6 girls, not including me and my friends that also hung out there? Another kicker is that I was with my bf and then two of my friends started dating his cousins...but they still had those little girls over. We kept getting in fights about it and there were several times that I told him that I was fed up with it and that I would not put up with him constantly hanging out w/ children and it was over. Each time he would follow me out the door, not let me leave and talk to me about how he was just trying to have fun for his cousins. For some reason every time I stayed with him.

None of them had jobs or were looking, so I ended up paying the rent for them one time and my bf wound up in jail several times for delivery to minors and disturbance of the peace and whatever, so guess who bailed him out? You got it stupid me. Nothing I could say or do stopped them from hanging out w/ the little girls, and to top things off there was one night my bf told me to come over and no one was there and then about 5 min later he shows up with the car full of the little girls! AARRRGGGGGHH!!

I got a call one night at work from my bf saying that one of my friends friends who he "supposedly" slept with b4 we got togetherwas grabbing his butt and saying something like come on Cari will never know (I'm Cari). Well he wanted me to beat her up. Well I asked her about it and she said it never happened. Things went on like this for months, then I finally got fed up with it and I told him either you find a way to stay away from the little girls and all the drama or stay away from me. Well he ended up moving in with me.

At this point he finally got a job. but I was still paying his bills since he was wasting all of his money on his computer and whatever else. My mother who I was living with got put into active duty from the reserves due to 9/11, so it was just my bf, my son and myself in the house. At this point to my knowledge he was not in contact with his cousins, but he started going out with friends from work. He would tell me he would be home at a certain time, but not come home until early in the morning. I didn't like being left alone with no way to go out, since I didn't have a babysitter, and he never even asked if I would like to come too and I told him how I felt. He said that he felt trapped staying in the house all of the time. I might have been able to understand, but all of the time when he was at the house he was on his computer and I got none of his time.

Around Nov. of 01 I had really sharp pains in my pumpkin (my name for my private area) and I ended up finding out that I had herpes. Now there are only two ways I could have gotten this, one from when he went down on me when he had a cold sore, or two he was sleeping around on me and I got it that way. We got in fights over this, he would accuse me of messing around on him while he was at work, he said that someone that he worked with even told him that they saw some guy coming over to the house. He would scream at me and tell me how nasty I was and how I ruined his life by giving him something he could never get rid of. I would scream back and it would go on for hours. If he didn't like the way I was reacting to him he would threaten to wake my son up. The fights just never ended. About a week after we found out about the herpes he proposed to me, no ring or anything, just asked me to marry him.

Now since he moved in with me I very rarely had any contact with my friends. I got a call around midnight one night from this girl that I knew and got along with, but I wouldn't really consider her my friend. She asked if I was still w/ my bf, I said yes, and she said that when she was at one of the local bars that she saw him with this girl that is known to sleep with everyone (not just a rumor, she braggs about it) all over him. I questioned him about it and got the "I can't believe all that we've been through and you still want to listen to other people" line. Why else would I have gotten a call at midnight? HMMMM???? I ended up dropping the topic, I figured that the girl could have just been trying to get back at me for a previous argument that we had, and went on with my life.

Once again he went out and said that he would be back around one in the morning and could he take my car. I said yes as long as he was back on time. Well he didn't come home until 4am. He said that he was over at his friends house the whole time. I had called his friends home # and never got an answer the whole time. More fights. He went out a different time and this time took his own car, but I didn't even get a call until 9am. He said that his car broke down when he got to this party and after they stayed there they walked to his friends house at about 8am. I asked why he didn't just walk home b/c it was closer, and his answer was that he didn't know if I'd let him back in the house. Yet again, more fights he started not only threatening suside, but also "attempting it (taking pills and drinking beer or cutting his arm with a knife.

He was doing really well at his job and got promotion after promotion. He ended up getting relocated to where we are now, I decided that I was going to stay in Illinois, where we were, and finish the first semester of college and then come down. He threw a fit about this but I was adament<-spelling about it. I helped him move here and then came back to go to school. I got a hold of my friends again and decided to hang out with them, at which point I found out that the call I got was due to one of my frieds telling her to call me to let me know what was going on, and that the night he took my car my best friend saw him driving around town with three girls. I also heard of several girls that he was "supposedly" sleeping with while he was with me.

I called him on the phone to ask him about it and of course he denied everything. Who wouldn't? I ended up breaking up with him over the phone and found out from his boss that I also had contact with that he (my ex bf) went into the hospital for trying to kill himself. I tried to track down all of the girls that he "supposedly" slept with, but the ones that I could find said that nothing happened, he had told them that he wasn't with me, but they never had sex or anything.

I'm leaving a LOT out, I know it's long enough, but I'm trying to give you highlights. I missed him and one time when he called I told him. I guess I figured that since he hadn't cheated on me that he actually hadn't done anything wrong. well I moved here with him and now I think he has genital warts, and something else that I'm not sure what it is. I've told him that I don't want to make love, he yells at me if I call it anything else, but when I do he gets mad and yells and says how I'm always doing this to him and no matter how calm I try to stay, he alway tries to get into a yelling fight and break up with me.

I know that was long, and I'm sorry to say that isn't even half of the story. I'm NOT happy, I DON'T want to be here any longer. Here is my problem. I don't have any way to get out. Financially I mean. I don't make the money here to move out and get a place of my own and pay all of my bills and according to public aid I make too much for them to help me. I don't have the money to move back to Illinois with my mother, and then I would have to get a new job and I know I would not be able to pay for my bills. WHAT DO I DO? I'm sooo sad here and have no friends that I can turn to. I call my friends back in Illinois, I have to do that in secret or my bf gets mad at me, but they don't have money to help me and there really isn't anything they can do to help. Has anyone been in a situation like this? Does anyone know of any place I can go to for help? Can someone PLEASE give me some kind of advice, b/c just packing up and leaving now isn't an option.

Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read this and anyone who can help.
Cari





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