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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


Re: Lap dance
May 27, 2003
Stop worrying.

When most men go to a strip club they're not looking to pull any of the dancers - they're just there for some harmless fun. It is purely physical. Men appreciate good looking women and that is it. They don't want to run off with some stripper. Your man loves you for being you, i.e. not just physical.

I think you feel insecure because you feel that for you to do this there would need to be some connection between you and the stripper. Maybe some sort of fantasy, i.e. you could picture yourself in a relationship with them. This is certainly not the case for men going to strip clubs.

They go there, pay there money, some woman takes her clothes off, maybe rubs herself against them, and then 2 mins later it's back to the bar! It really isn't a big deal for the man - just a bit of fun!
Re: Lap dance
May 27, 2003
Stop worrying.

When most men go to a strip club they're not looking to pull any of the dancers - they're just there for some harmless fun. It is purely physical. Men appreciate good looking women and that is it. They don't want to run off with some stripper. Your man loves you for being you, i.e. not just physical.

I think you feel insecure because you feel that for you to do this there would need to be some connection between you and the stripper. Maybe some sort of fantasy, i.e. you could picture yourself in a relationship with them. This is certainly not the case for men going to strip clubs.

They go there, pay there money, some woman takes her clothes off, maybe rubs herself against them, and then 2 mins later it's back to the bar! It really isn't a big deal for the man - just a bit of fun! What makes it into a big deal is you! As it is not a big deal for the man he doesn't see any reason not to go. You don't want him to go, but you are irrationally denying him something. That is the big deal to the man!
Re: Lap dance
May 27, 2003
Stop worrying.

When most men go to a strip club they're not looking to pull any of the dancers - they're just there for some harmless fun. It is purely physical. Men appreciate good looking women and that is it. They don't want to run off with some stripper. Your man loves you for being you, i.e. not just physical.

I think you feel insecure because you feel that for you to do this there would need to be some connection between you and the stripper. Maybe some sort of fantasy, i.e. you could picture yourself in a relationship with them. This is certainly not the case for men going to strip clubs.

They go there, pay there money, some woman takes her clothes off, maybe rubs herself against them, and then 2 mins later it's back to the bar! It really isn't a big deal for the man - just a bit of fun! What makes it into a big deal is you! As it is not a big deal for the man he doesn't see any reason not to go. You don't want him to go, but you are irrationally denying him something. That is the big deal to the man!
Re: Lap dance
Jun 18, 2003
Well, here's my 2 cents on the issues -

If him getting a lap-dance is such a terrible thing that you couldn't stand marrying him over, then call off the wedding. One of two things will happen - he will understand how important it is to you and change his plans to work it out, or he will decide that you're too sensitive for his tastes and that the two of you might not be as good a match as you both thought.

If you're going to marry him either way but don't want him going to a strip club, then it sounds like you're being controlling or insecure and want assurances of fidelity that, frankly, don't exist in this world. A big part of relationships is trust, and they don't come with guarentees. Not even marriage, because people get divorced. The only assurance you have is that you love him and he loves you back. Asking for more is silly, demanding more is a sure way to drive a lover away.

People are not joined into one person in a relationship during a relationship or marriage. It's a phrase used by the minister to emphasize that your'e sharing your life, but each person still wants to retain their identity and make their own decisions (though they are supposed to take each other into account when they do).

I'm a guy, and I've never been to a strip club. I don't ever intend to go to one, and don't plan on having a bachelor party at one. But if my girl had such trust issues that she actually forbade it... well, I suppose I'd be torn two ways - I wouldn't want to hurt her, because I cared about her, but I wouldn't want to be with her if she couldn't trust me, or felt the need to be so controlling and possessive that something I thought was okay wasn't okay with her and became forbidden.

I'm not saying to give in and let him do what he wants, but you have to make a decision. Is this going to be a deal-breaker? If it is, then lay down the law and get out of the relationship or make it clear that you will if he goes through with his plan (only do this if it's true, bluffing isn't fair to him or to you).

If it isn't, then let him know you're disappointed, but get over it. Being physically ill over it is silly, and trying to control his behavior to make him do what you want against his will isn't fair, either.

And Johnnybravo - I was trying to sympathize with you on the other topic about your girl being with lots of guys because I'm in a similar situation, but your comment about women having a party with male strippers being sluts and likely to "do something" with the stripper just because they are women... while at the same time owning up to having gone to strip clubs yourself where nothing has happened... Man, your double standards run deep, and you really, really make yourself sound like a complete ass.





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