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Relationship Health Message Board


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Re: Lap dance
Jun 28, 2003
Hey Jane,

After reading your post and all of the replies, this is probably the one that I most agree with:

[quote]Originally posted by feel_like_im_drowning:
[b]You wanted a guy's perspective, so here's one for ya. First, any guy who puts his sexual desires ahead of his woman's feelings isn't a real man -- he's still a boy. Second, the words "lap dance" and "innocent" do NOT go together. We all know what's going through any guy's mind when some foxy, scantily-clad chick is grinding on his crotch. Us guys aren't thinking of other women, but the woman grinding down. Desire focuses on what's in front of you. Third, motives. Why is this "tradition" so important to him when establishing a healthy marriage is what's really important? What, is he going to look back in 5 years or 10 and be glad that "the tradition was maintained"? That strip club tradition is just machismo bragging, and I'd be concerned about anyone who caves to that kind of peer pressure.[/b][/quote]

If a man is more intent on observing the tradition of a night ripe with strippers and lap dances than establishing a healthy marriage, I would also question the relationship.. Why would he be so intent on starting his marriage off on the wrong foot over something as trivial as a lap dance? What's more important to him? Bumping and grinding with some strange woman or being considerate of your feelings? I also agree with the poster who stated that he had time to sow his wild oats before he entertained the idea of marriage..

I'm female, so my opinion probably doesn't matter, but if my fiance' were to express the same concerns to me, I would much sooner respect his wishes than proceed with a lewd tradition.. Maybe it's because I'm more sensitive, but I do not want to hurt his feelings in any way, shape or form.. My love and respect for him would be far more important than peer pressure from my friends or some strange notion that it's okay for a stranger to erotically rub their body on you right before you get married..

I loved rif's statement too: [i]OK. He feels a lap dance isn't cheating. Granted. How would he feel if you gave someone else a lap dance? He should agree to it, right? It's not cheating, right? If it's not cheating for him, it's not cheating for you. Either he gets his lap-dancing OFF, or you get your lap-dancing ON, girlfriend. What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander, and don't let them tell ya any different, baby.[/i] :D

Since it doesn't appear that he's going to budge on the issue, I guess you just have to decide which is more important to you: overlooking his night of tawdry behavior and spending the rest of your life with him or ending your relationship with him because you can't bear the thought of another woman touching him.. It's obvious that you love him deeply, but I'm not sure that a lap dance is worth ending your relationship over..

This will probably be one of the bigger tests of your relationship and your future marriage.. The key to maintaining a good relationship is having the ability to compromise.. If neither one of you is willing to do that, what's going to happen when you have to deal with more serious problems? 'Tis a scary thought..

Take Care,
Melanie





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