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I have a dilemma which has been eating away at me for a while now.


Me -
I am 22 years old, I have no children and I have been in a couple of
serious relationship before this one. I am living in a houseshare arrangement (not with my


Her -
She is 28 years old, she has a 6.5 year old child, lives in a flat on her own and split up

with the father of the child about 18 months ago.

We have been together for about 6 months or so, we also work closely together in the same

department, on the same hierachial level. She works part time and I work full time.

At the moment I am spending all my time with her, I do not spend any time at home, I do
not want to spend any time at home with my housemates, I prefer to be with my girlfriend. I

enjoy my time with her.

I started dating my current girlfriend about a month after splitting up with my

ex-girlfriend under upset circumstances (she cheated - we were together for + 3 years).

Anyway, over the last couple of months I have felt trapped in the relation ship that I am

in and I am not sure I want it anymore.
I feel as if I should be out with friends and seeing lots of women / travelling and having

a good time.

My girlfriend has a child which has also started causing me a problem - her child (however

cute and sweet she can be) can also be hostile and rude to me and I hate that - I don't

want it in my life. I also find that doing things spontaneously is so difficult when there

is a child involved. I knew this at the beginning of the relationship but it somehow seems

worse now the initial 'brand new relationship' novelty is wearing off.

We discussed me moving in to save dramatically on costs and outgoings and at the time it

seemed like a good idea, but now, I'm not so sure?

I do find my girlfriend attractive and I care very much for her - I don't want to hurt her.

She is kind / affectionate and considerate and she is very much in love with me, as I am

her I think.

I feel bad when I have all these doubts about the relationship. I have spoken to my parents

who are very understanding and have given me advice but I would like an untainted -

unbiased advice on my situation because I just don't know what to do.

There is another girl who makes this situation even more compounded. She is a member of a

family who have been close friends to my immediate family for a very long time. I have

known her whole family for a long time and I really like her very much. We have met a

couple of times in the last six months - once very soon after starting my relationship with

my girlfriend. We have kissed a couple of times but I have never been sexual towards her,

although this has been hard to restrain. She does not have any children, she is a year

younger than me and very pretty and intelligent - she is what you might call the ideal

partner and a lovely person.

My mum is currently on holiday with her mum at the moment and they are both trying to get

us together. I find it hard to be a part of this because I have such a kind and loving

girlfriend at the moment but I am having such fierce doubts about it and I know that I will

not be happy spending the rest of my life with my girlfriend (and that is a hard thing to

admit to myself because I know that it is mainly the outside factors like her daughter and

her ex-boyfriend father I have to see every so often when he wants to see his daughter).

I have arranged to see the 'close family friend' girl in the near future and I am sure that

we will kiss again. She knows that I am in a relationship.

I don't know what to do because I can't bear the thought of hurting my girlfriend and at

the moment, I am not unhappy with her, it's just that at times I get the feeling that we

are at different places in our lives and that I have not lived life to the max. I feel that

maybe I am with an incompatible partner and I sometimes feel trapped.

I have agreed to move in with her a couple of times in the past because it seemed right and

it would save money but the closer we get to arrangements for moving in - the more I am

doubting it is the right move.

I guess I have a few choices here,

1) Stay with my girlfriend and hope things work out, maybe it's just normal relationship


2) Start spending more time at home and slowly cut ties (find a new job / spend less time

with her and more time on my own and with other people)

3) Dump her and run off with the 'family friend' girl), who I know likes me and I sure for

hell like her.

4) Procastinate and see what comes round the corner.

I just don't know what to do and I am terrified of causing pain to my girlfriend and I'm

not even sure if I want to end the relationship - I do enjoy her company. We laugh a lot /

great sex and get on well, we do connect. I just don't like all the doubts I am having

about the future and the thought that I am some how missing out on life. It is futher

compounded by the fact that we work closely together in the same department.

Any advice on this situation would be most appreciated, it has been eating away at me for

so long now - thanks :)


What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

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