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Love at first sight
Jul 14, 2003
hi there,
this is my first time posting on this topic board, but this has been in my mind for a year now so i need to get it out. i appreciate any and all the help you can dish at me! here it goes....

i wasn't looking for love or even a relationship. i was going to an old high school friend's house and his brother just happened to be there with some friens. from the moment i first saw him, my hear skipped a beat and my stomach was in my throat (major butterflies). i had never felt this way before for anyone, not even my ex's (i am 21 now, by the way).

we started hanging out as friends, with friends, going to movies, hanging in the jacuzi, etc. anyway, we became touch feely (massaging each other whenver we were watching movies,in the jacuzzi, etc....no not erotic, just sweet rubbing of shoulders, arms, back, etc.)...

he never did this to anyone else and neither did i, and there were plenty of our friend around just smiling at us. well, i was falling hard for him but never knew if he liked me or not really.

we got to talking one night about everything and anything under the sun, just us and no one else. it was like a truth or dare conversation really. we opened up about past experiences, relationships, etc. and i was pretty suprised at how good he was, and he was suprised at how good i am. he hadn't had a serious relationship since high school, because she broke his heart and he never wanted to kiss or get intimate with anyone because of how he felt for her.

then we went out one night with friends and i went back to his house to spend the night (all of our friends always wind up at his house spending the night for no reason). i was the only one staying over that night, besides his brother.

anyway, i crawled into his bed with all my clothes still on and went to sleep thinking of nothing else (honestly). well, he started massaging me (the good kind this time) and then we kissed. this happened two nights in a row and it felt right, but it felt ackward in the day, i didn't really know what to say or do.
it was strange to me why he kissed me because of what he said about his past. i didn't argue it though. it was like a dream come true.

so that was really it, but my feelings never left...and shortly after he was dating an old friend of his (whom i hated from the first day i met her for some reason, at church of all places). they have been dating for almost a year now, and i still think of him everyday and talk to him now and then and our conversations are longer now then back then, because i guess i am not afraid of saying something stupid anymore. i finally said some smart ass comment about what happened and then explained my feelings, emotions, etc. to him, and he said that he had no idea how i felt and that he cherishes my friendship and never wants that to change.

what am i to do....he has asked me to go places with him and his girlfriend, and of course i say no because i just don't want to be around him with her. but i really care for him, and it is so funny, because i get over old boyfriends and still talk to them occasionally, but this is so different. i can honestly say i was in love, and still am in love with this fantasy that i can't have. he was and still is perfect for me in everyway. i just wait for the day for him to break up with her so i can make my move, but don't know if that will happen.

any advice on how to get over this or what i can say to him?? thanks so much for listening,
-M





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