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Jul 2, 2003
I'm not sure why I'm writing this down here.
I guess I just want to know whether people think I may be a bit unreasonable. I don't think so.

I was recently awoken by my boyfriend tapping on my window. (before 7am). He had something he had to tell me straight away because he couldn't stand the guilt.
We have been together for about 13 months. I am 19, he is 21. I am in my 2nd year of university, he is doing his honours year. I have an important final exam coming up later today.
I was already stressed and frustrated, now I have to feel angry, hurt and disappointed as well.
When I first met him he told me he smoked pot. I didn't realise just how much pot he smoked until I had known him for a month or so.
He is financially supported by his parents 100%. They had no idea that the entire (fairly large) sum of money they gave him each week was going towards his drugs.
About 6 months ago they found out. They were extremely disheartened. He promised them never to do it again. He promised me he would never do it again also.
His parents got an apartment for him away from the colleges so there is less temptation.
This week I have not been seeing him as often as usual, as I have been studying. Each morning I see him he tells me he had to buy a few bottles of beer to get through the day/night without me (I am not 'touched' by this)! He has said this the past 4 nights, at least. Yesterday I was at his flat and someone knocked on the door and called out to him. He recognised their voice as one of his past 'drug-buddies'. He told me that the night before he had had something to drink then called them up and told them that he wishes he still could smoke drugs with them. So that is why they were at the door. He ignored them and said he was drunk when he said it and didn't mean it.
Before the knock on the door we were having a (half jokingly) conversation about how I shouldn't trust anything he says, because he always goes back on his promises (which is true, but usually nothing serious).
This morning he came to tell me that he did meet up with those friends and smoked his drugs again. I don't know whether he called them and organised it or whether they came back to his flat. That would make a small difference, I guess.
I just reminded him of the "trust' conversation we had and asked what that meant. He said he was sorry and that I have a right to be angry and just hopes that I can forgive him. He cried and I didn't care. He kept asking whether I was going to leave him and I didn't answer. I was still in bed. He said he didn't think about the promises he made to me, nor his family. He just done it for nastalgic reasons, apparantly.
I am angry because I already have enough to think about. I have to admit, I like to see him suffer, and I think I will leave him to suffer until well after my exams are over.
The thing is, I never really had that much against him smoking, on occasions. It's just that he had promised me 7 months ago that he would NEVER do it again, and then promised me again, less than 24 hours ago, that he wouldn't do it.

The reason I didn't see him yesterday evening was that we had planned to do our own separate work. He has work due in this Friday, I believe.

And then he does this instead!

I don't know what to do. It is Thursday and I am leaving to go home (family) for three weeks holiday on Monday. My last exam is tomorrow morning.
I don't want to just forgive him that easily. I do think I want to forgive him eventually. I can't really imagine not knowing him. He always says that if I ever left him he would go back to his 'old ways' (drugs). This is not a threat. It is usually said in 'happy' times. But maybe that is what he wants.

Please reply, anyone.

Now I must try and do some study! :mad:

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