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Jul 25, 2003
Hello all...

I've been back here frequently to see how things are going with you all...things on my end have been well. I have a question.

My boyfriend and I have been talking of moving out for awhile, now. I am just starting out my "career" in Sept, teaching, and am working in the meantime to save money. I have one small, school loan to pay off while trying to save's working. We are both quite good with money, and the geek that I am, have set up a budgeting scheme with an excel spreadsheet (tee hee), to manage my finances. It is going well and I am saving more than I thought I would (bonus!), but I still don't have that much money saved since I've only been working for about a month and a half. I "should" have a good amount saved by November, while paying off my loan. This would allow me to move out, something I have been planning on doing since moving back home from working overseas (end of March).

My boyfriend has been working at his "career" job for about a year and a half and has saved a great amount of money. Even before he met me, his goal was to save up enough money and *buy* a place. With the money he has saved, alone, his parents have also offered to double his savings to pay for a downpayment on a place. Since we have been together (almost 10 months), and started talking vaguely about moving out his parents have still been more than happy to follow through with this agreement. Therefore, for the past while, my bf and I have started looking around for places to live, and been sitting down and budgeting our finances on paper.

Now, when we started talking about this, my goal was to save like a dog until around November, and be able to pay a bit for the downpayment, as well as pay half of the monthly mortgage/other payments. More or less, I would be paying what I would monthly in rent, although we would be working towards buying and eventually selling the place..far down the road. Obviously, an investment on both our parts.

Now, the other night, after my bf and I were appraised for a mortage, we sat down and looked at the ADDITIONAL costs of buying a place. A lot MORE money to be least $4000. In the beginning, I knew that it would be tight if i saved like crazy, and I also felt somewhat bad for not being able to make equal payments for the downpayment, etc...I guess it is out of pride. However, with the additional costs, I absolutely cannot BEAR to have my bf foot another bill.

Ideally, I would like to be able to contribute EQUALLY to a place that we buy together. I know that in the end, we'll both be able to pool our resources together equally, and my bf is more than happy to pay for the downpayment while we are both making the monthly payments while living there. However, all of these additional costs are making my head spin.

At this time, we started to talk about buying versus renting at this point in time. I am very ready to move out with him, and he is with me. I am also ready to move out of my house, as we all know that living at home again after being out on your own for a few years is difficult. I basically put out the point that.. "Why don't we rent for a little while, which will allow us (esp) me to save money towards buying a house in the future, while we are both able to live together and contribute equally to things." It would mean that we can move out sooner (although not for another 5 months or so), something we both want to do (instead of waiting another year and living at home). We had a bit of an argument over it, but nothing heated and in a few mins were able to sit down and talk about it all. My bf said that he thought that renting, in the end at at this point in time was a good idea. However when i talked to him the following night, I know that he was pondering things and told me that he needed to think about it a lot. I KNOW that buying has been a dream of his for years, and I want to be able to share it with him...but at this point in time, all I can consider right now is renting cheaply and saving money. As I pointed out to him, I have only started earning a decent salary, unlike him who has been saving for quite some time. As for his reluctance to rent, he thinks that renting is a waste of money and wants to invest for our future. However, I pointed out that we're both still young (26) and that while buying is a great option (when both people have the means to do so), renting for a little while isn't going to set us back *much*, and in the grand scheme of things, is peanuts.

We are both considering the other's point of view, but both very stuck on our ideas, although wanting to be together.

What do you suggest? We have a lot of time to discuss this together and think it through, but I wanted some outside opinion.


[This message has been edited by blurr (edited 07-25-2003).]

[This message has been edited by blurr (edited 07-25-2003).]
Re: Question...
Jul 25, 2003
This is slightly off topic, however, as someone who once lived with a boyfriend for a few years, I cannot help but address the issue of cohabitation vs. marriage here. I'm sure HoosierBJ will agree with me on this one ;) Personally, I would not want to comingle finances and go to the extent of buying a house with someone who's not my husband with whom I intended to (ideally) spend my life. Why are you having such a hard time with letting your bf contribute more if he makes more money? If you were a family, equal contribution would not be so important, because overall it's for the greater good of the family, but right now you and your boyfriend have a mindset of two separate individuals. It might also present more problems legally if you buy a house and other major purchases together and the relationship doesn't last. Just something to think about. I know it's tough to live with one's parents, but living together is such an unclear situation, I wouldn't recommend it, unless you can honestly say that you have absolutely no expectations of marriage later down the road. Good luck regardless of what you decide!

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