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Well, here goes. I'd just like some feed back from anyone who might have experienced the same thing during their life. This is my situation......

I am 26 years old, I have a six year old daughter. Her Father and I split up before she was born. He and his family have remained very involved with her, which I am thankful for. When she was 5 months old, I started seeing "Ted." Ted and I moved in together about a year and a half after we started seeing each other. I really believed "Ted" was "THE ONE." Problems started when he and his ex wife refused to get a divorce. I didn't know when I started seeing "Ted" that he was just separated and not divorced. I took the phrase "Ex wife" to be literal. She had reasons for not wanting an official divorce, and has held things such as visitation and child support over his head. I have never had any reason to believe that there was anything left between them and I still don't think so. "Ted" is a good man. He's been wonderful to me and my daughter. I gotten frustrated with the whole divorce situation and left him about a year ago. We are still separated, but, I see him frequently. He keeps telling me the divorce is in the works. That's not the only issue though.......Now for the bigger problem........


About a year before I officially left "Ted," I met someone on the internet. We became quite close and ended up meeting after I left "Ted". He's married.Why I would get involved with an "officially" married man after leaving one just for being seperated, I have no idea.It was wrong. I know that. I'm not going to try and justify it. I ended it because I cared too much about him to risk ruining his life by getting caught with me. He also has a child. I'm not out to wreck any homes. There was never any talk of him leaving his wife, and I would have put a stop to any. Nothing good can ever come from something that starts so dishonestly. We were just comforting each other. As far as I am concerned, he his totally justified cheating for reasons I'm not at liberty to say. I know that it really doesn't make it right though.....

Here is my problem....I love "Ted." He's the only man my daughter has ever known me to be with.That's really important to me. I'd like to give her the kind of family she deserves. I have health problems. I also feel like its almost impossible to really date when you have kids. Most men don't want to deal with someone else's kid. If they have kids themselves, then it just makes the situation even harder. There is no right time for a man you're involved with to meet your children. If they meet in the beginning, you might find that everyone gets along great, but, you run the risk of your child getting hurt if the relationhip doesn't work. If you wait until the relationship is serious, you run the risk of everyone not getting along, the relationship is ruined, and your kids still might end up hurt/confused. I feel that "Ted" is my only choice for giving my daughter the kind of family she wants. I just can't see myself ever doing more than casual dating because of the issues I just mentioned above. The thing is, I know Ted isn't "THE ONE"(I don't really believe that whole concept anymore). I love him like a brother more than anything else. We just want different things.He does want me back though. I'd really like my daughter to be raised in a two parent home. Since I no longer want to marry him, I don't really care about the divorce issue. But is it fair to him?......

My other problem is with the man I had the affair with. I still talk to him. In Fact, I tell him everything. He is my best friend. We don't see each other. This is done mainly over the computer.I don't want to sleep with him anymore. I just can't imagine not having him in my life though. He means a great deal to me. I just don't want to be the cause of the end of his marriage. If he wasn't married, things would be different. I just want what is best for him, be it fixing his marriage or ending it. If it ends, I don't want to be the reason why though.Is it wrong to still talk to him?

Has anyone ever been where I am with either of these situations? I care a great deal about both of them. I feel really blessed to have such special men in my life. The situations are just so confusing. Any advice is appreciated. Please, no lectures though. I don't need any judgemental posts telling me the evils of sleeping with a married man. Not every situationis the same, and I have already had enough guilt about it.






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