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Yeah I have the same problem - I moved here (from Switzerland) 5 years ago to be with my ex-husband and knew nobody. I am very shy so I didn't really meet many people on my own, and my closest "friends" ended up being the mates and girlfriends of my ex (people he'd known since school, he hadn't made any friends since and doesn't really care enough about other people to get close to them), with only one or two people outside his circle of friends whom I knew well enough to text or ring to meet up with if they were out, although even then usually my ex would be with me.

When I finally left him after years of verbal and mental abuse (that took a long time - after all I couldn't go to any of my girl friends' houses since they were all friends of my ex first!) I thought maybe some of them might want to stay in touch, might understand what I'd been going through since some of them had actually lived with my ex before and knew how angry and mean he could get.

Well sadly they only knew his side of the story (that I left him to sleep with someone else because he wouldn't sleep with me any more - I DID get together with my best guy "friend" [well mate really as I said I had no real friends here] but not for a good while, and that is based on love not sex!!!) and left out all the real reasons why I left in the first place so now in their eyes I am some kind of slut who just wanted to destroy my ex's life and break his heart.

Anyway I only had my now bf and on girl friend that I occasionally talked to when out at the pub, and I was scared I'd get annoying if I started hanging out with them too much. In the end I had to take it slowly, occasionally ring and go for a drink etc. It's been half a year now and I still don't have a huge circle of friends but I'm getting there slowly but surely but it does take time.

What I'm trying to say is, don't be shy, if there is ANYONE you get on with or you like, don't be shy to ring them and ask them for a drink or something.
Unless you BEG them or plea with them to come out for a drink etc. with you they won't think anything bad of you (especially if they know what you've just been through!), the worst thing they can say is no!

You might end up getting to know them better and get to know some of their friends, and then you can take it from there. Chances are if you like someone and have similar interests, then you'll also like their friends/mates and so on... :)

As far as hobbies are concerned well I know it's lame but I did meet two of my best mates in Switzerland through tap dancing, I started a class when I was about 15 and got to know one girl a bit better because we both were from the same area and met up to get to our teacher's birthday party together, and she ended up becoming mates with another girl and in the end we were all mates, I'm still in touch with them nowadays and see them every time I go back, one of them even came to see me over here :)

I only have two other friends over there, one that I met at university and another that I met because she was going out with a guy who was friends with my first bf, and we'd both got on quite well & stayed friends with our ex's once we split up with them, so we kept hanging out as a group and one day I gave her a call & we started hanging out, going to the cinema, for drinks etc.

[This message has been edited by Redhead23 (edited 08-26-2003).]

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