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Relationship Health Message Board

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i have been with my boyfriend, brett, for almost 11 months. we are very much in love, and best friends on top of that. honestly, i could not ask for anything else in a relationship. but...
whenever i get drunk, or even a little tipsy, i find myself wanting to meet other guys. If him and I are at a party together, and I have been drinking, I'll run off and try to avoid him so I can flirt and talk with other guys. In the beginning of our relationship, I cheated on him a few times because of my stupid drunk habits.
I have always been pretty wild, espcially when i drink. i absolutly love the thrill of seeing if i can get the best looking guy at the party. i hate this! when i am not drunk i have no desire for other guys, i truly love brett with all my heart. i dont know what is wrong with me. i dont know if being drunk brings out the truth in myself or not. i can honestly say that if i was drunk at a party with my girlfriends and he was not there, i would probably cheat on him. i feel terrible and i am disgusted with myself. i see other girls who can drink at a party and still hang around their b/f the entire time and be fine with that, and who (swear) they would never cheat. i wonder why i am not like that. i never told my b/f about cheating on him, because i feel it just a stupid part of me that will never go away, and the (two) guys i did cheat on him with meant absolutly nothing to me.
can anyone relate to my situation? sorry this is kinda long, i really needed to vent.

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