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Re: My fiance
Aug 26, 2003
Well, she phoned me on tuesday to call me a liar,apparantly i said to one of her friends that she left me because of her best freind that has just uncannily come back on the sene,im not sure where she got the information from but i did mention this to a friend of mine that it did seem rather strange her leaving me as soon as her girlfriend came back on the scene after dumping her boyfriend,,(funny thing is this girlfriend of hers dumped her when she got a boy freind 8 months ago,,even more ridiculous is the boyfriend in question is my friend i mentioned this to,,she has interpreted this into me being a liar and she says she cant trust me anymore??? i dont understand anything now! also i found out from this friend of mine that she has tried 'it on' with 3 men since she went back to her home town. of course i can accuse her as its only hear-say..but im inclined to believe such as i nkow she cheated on me in june,,but she swears that it isnt the case,,and positivley believes herself too,,so i have to give her the benefit of the doubt as whats the point in accusing someone of a crime they believe they did not commit regardless of the truth..i love her so i have to believe or our relationship will suffer,..
she said to me on tuesday also that i was pathetic for falling so deeply in love with her after only 7
months..i was very hurt by that indeed..i said where is this going? are we still going on holiday together? she said i dont know,and she did not know if she loved me anymore..i told her that i was no liar and that i loved her with all my heart.she told me that i was lying again,also called me pathetic once more,,i told her i would prove it to her(as though i haddnt already done so many times),,she said "what are you going to do? but me flowers"? i was so deeply dissapointed in her retort..she went on and on at me,,repeating the words that she couldnt believe a word i say,,possibly pointing the finger at me to cover her own tracks of vile infidelity..i thought you really are stringing me along here.so, holiday was a "i dont want to go anymore" i love you was replied with " i dont know if i love you anymore,i dont believe anything you say"
which i find ridiculous as i have never lied to her in my life,(she has constantly to me but cant see it,and has a marvelously convienient memory regarding such) so i said to her..look,,whats happening between us? are we still going to be together? she answered with a 'i dont know' (also she hung up the phone on me at one point after saying "why wont you just leave me alone??" i cant understand at all..
so i said,,look,,i im going to let you go now and get on with your life,im only bringing you down and causing you hassle where you dont need it (strange seeing as i have been cutting myself to pieces over her,and she has caused all of this)she would have kept me in this limbo if i diddnt say what i said next,but i said,,im letting you go,i would get someone to return her belongings,keep the ring i gave you,you might want to wear it again one day,keep the door key you might want to use it again one day, i have always loved you and im sure somewhere inside yourself you love me too,she replied " i do love you" i told her to take care and know that im always here for you,she said the same and told me she loved me again so i said it too..the nwe said farewell..
ive just written a letter to her telling her that i hope she finds the happiness she seeks in life and that she is a very special lady,that i will never forget her and that i hope our paths will join again one day when shes ready,..

i need a lobotomy!!!!!!!!! but i think its over now,,i dont want it to be and i still want to call her and show her that i love her and want to be with her,,what i hate most is she did all of this to me over the phone,she couldnt even meet me head on,and the fact that she had apparently been thinking about breaking with me for a few months,,even before we got engaged and lived together,,which dosent make any sense at all and i dont believe her one bit,,you people are so right,,she is insane! she needs HELP! which is exactly what i was trying to give her,,i just keep thinking now,,is she going to call me and tell me she is sorry and wants me back?..its so messed up because i love her so much..i think i might cattle-prod myself a fair few times to knock some sense into my obviously deranged mentality..am i deranged? i have no idea,,but to stil love her so very much after the way she has treated me in the last 9 days i think i must be.! i hope she realises one day that i wansnt such a bad fellow after all and learns something from it all,,(probarbly when shes with her umpteenth mindless violent boyfriend whom treats her like rubbish)..why is it so strange to be human..*sighs* ..thankyou for all your advice you mighty splendid people..and thanks for helping me through this..you have been great..i only hope the future isnt as bad as this..

ps: do you think she will want me back? or come back to me at any point?





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