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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

Aug 30, 2003
Hi. I am 19, my boyfriend is 21 and we have been together for about 15 months.
We spend a lot of time together, we are very close.

When we first met he smoked drugs, cigarettes, and drank excessive amounts of alcohol.

Now, he doesn't smoke drugs, smokes cigarettes rarely, and only drinks a few beers a week, which is a drastic reduction from this time last year.

He quit all for me, I think.
I don't want that to be the only reason, or would that be ok?
I feel that I have stopped him from doing the things he enjoyed, without having to give up anything myself. I would if I had something.. a bad habit or anything... but I don't.

Sometimes I think he resents me for it. He says when he does something (even just drink 2 beers) he feels so guilty that he has to tell me about it.
One night he had a lot of work to do and was under a lot of stress. All he wanted was to have the night off and get completely drunk. I don't think that's healthy. I offered to get out videos and stay over and keep him company but he just got mad and said some really hurtful things to me.

I don't know how to write this down.

My parents don't drink or smoke or anything. I was always brought up in a clean environment. And I guess that is what I expect of him. I hate being around cigarettes. I have nothing against alcohol in social situations. I do drink myself on occasions, but I don't think it should be used as a form of relaxation. One of the things he said is that I took away his favourite things. Everything is boring without them. What am I supposed to think?

I'm not going to break up because of anything like this now. He is prepared to not do these things for me, but should I be prepared to allow him to do them more than I do allow him.
It was my idea for him to quit smoking. He done so for months without any trouble. He isn't addicted to them now, he just likes to do it for 'old-times sake'. Whenever he hangs around certain friends he smokes up to 5.. probably about less than 10 per week.
I said I don't mind him drinking if he isn't alone. I think it is a depressing thought someone sitting around alone drowning their sorrows in alcohol. And it is kind of sad thinking that he is as unhappy as he is. He said he doesn''t enjoy drinking in the company of others, so now he only has maybe 4 beers a week when he goes out to play pool or whatever.

Is that too strict?
I don't think so, but I would like to know other people's opinions.

Thanks. :)

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