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Relationship Health Message Board

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Even though I have left the job where my co-worker worked with me, I am still finding it hard to get him out of my head. I have really made an effort to keep myself busy, but no matter what I do, I find myself constantly replaying old conversations in my head.
I realize that he would never win the category for 2003's Best Boyfriend Award, but I'm sorry to say that I still feel sad and disappointed. We had some very close discussions, wherein we both revealed very personal things to one another. I felt that we had cliqued on many levels... I don't want to romantisize something that became sheer hell. I feel retarded for not being able to put this to rest. I have only cried over him once, when I was drunk. But then yesterday, I had a disturbing thought and it made me cry... I thought of how I had known of him 4 years ago when I worked at a different company location. I used to come to the company location (that we were currently at together) to train other people and to actually open his company store location. I don't understand how I can't even remember the moment we met or were introduced. It's making me cry right now. While I stood by with a camera, he cut the ribbon at the grand opening, but I don't register ever speaking with him or knowing his name. He was there when I gave a speech, introducing our donation recipient that night. He was there when I was setting up tables, serving cheesecake, and escorting a giant stuffed Mouse around the store...but I don't remember him. Even when I started at this location back in February, I don't remember speaking with or meeting him. I can be a very focused, close-in person, and when someone does not reach out to me, I concentrate on the task before me and do not notice my surroundings. The first time that I remember speaking to him was when he invited me into the office to discuss my schedule, and urged me to work some of the closing shifts that he did. I explained that I attended a jazz concert series during the summer on those nights, and could'nt. So how did I end up like this? I'm sorry to ramble and give more information than anyone cares to have, but this is so HARD.


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