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Hi everyone. I am at a point in my relationship where I am really at a loss for what to do. I have been with my boyfriend now for more than two and a half years and for a majority of that time, I have had major trust issues with him. I am 24 and he is 26. He moved more than 2,000 miles to be with me but early on in our relationship, I found out about something he had done but then he lied to me about it. (It did not have anything to do with cheating). Though he was very sorry about it, for the past two years I have had a hard time believing him for even the smallest of things. Basically, I think he's lying to me, even when he's not. Much of my insecurities deal with other women, whether he looks at them, whether he goes onto questionable web sites on the Internet, etc. Yet through it all, he has remained relatively patient with my insecurities, which really can be overwhelming. I tend to question him repeatedly, and sometimes he gets very angry that I don't believe him when he's sworn he's telling me the truth. Recently, he's said he just wants to break up with me because I have no faith in him, and because it seems like I never believe what he tells me. We did start going to church after the dishonest disclosure two years ago. So, we try to rely on faith to get through our troubles.

Then, last November, I found a link on his laptop (through Internet Explorer, not AOL, which is what he uses) for an escort web site. He swore he had nothing to do with it. For months, until now even, he has sworn that. He says he has no idea how it got there and that he deletes any unknown e-mails or reports it to AOL as spam. He swears up and down he really does not know how that link got there. Then, today, while he was away, I did a search on his computer.

I basically did a search of his files and folders using the letter combination 'esc' for escort. The search called up various files (originating from Internet Explorer) with that letter combination but I also found three files, which after you click on it, leads to escort web sites in the metropolitan area where we live. I was shocked and devastated. I was on the verge of tears for hours until he got home, and then I confronted him tearfully finally. He said he had no idea where the sites came from. There were also other innocent files (which linked to web sites) to which he said he didn't have anything to do with, but these other sites were not bad or questionable.

Now, he basically says he wants out of this relationship. He says he will move out and is just so tired that I never believe him. He was so adamant that he had nothing to do with how those files got on his laptop, that he didn't click on anything that produced them, that he never did a search for those sites, and that he has never even heard of those sites before. He says he can't give me an explanation as to why those files are on his laptop (no one else has access to his laptop besides me and him).

I don't know what to think of all of this. There are so many things I love about him. He's intelligent, caring, generous, family-oriented, hard-working, etc. etc. It's just I don't know if he's telling me the truth. I am so confused. He doesn't want anything to do with me anymore because he says he's tired of living in a relationship where there is no trust and such a lack of faith. Please, can someone help me? Maybe someone can give me a technical explanation as to how files can appear on your computer without your knowledge? I always thought that whatever you clicked on is stored on your hard drive and that it can't be disputed. I'd appreciate any advice, especially if it can explain these inexplicable files. I'm feeling really depressed about this whole situation. :(

[This message has been edited by sadgirl03 (edited 09-04-2003).]





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