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Relationship Health Message Board

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It's difficult to say whether he is/isn't cheating or just merely going through a midlife crisis. One thing though, if you went away and he used that time to go look at porn on his computer at home, he obviously could have used that time to be with his lover if he had one. The fact is, something is definitely wrong and the fact that you state that you feel as though you don't care anymore reinforces that. I think it's time to sit him down and lay ALL the cards out on the table. Even marriage counselling wouldn't go astray. You don't have to be divorcing to get counselling. Counselling can be handy throughout a marriage.

Just a thought and not meaning to offend in anyway. You say that you are a stay at home mum. Do either you or your husband do anything special for each other within the relationship? Do you maybe feel like a rundown housewife and not attractive/sexy? If you do, he possibly senses it and is maybe getting more attenion by well groomed women, who seem more appealing and vibrant, whilst at work. He possibly hasn't started an affair, but maybe likes to look nice for them b/c they flirt with him and give him the type of attention he likes. A lot of stay at home mums have their hands full with house and kids and don't spend enough time on themselves and their physical appearance and by the time the husband comes home, dinner is cooked, kids packed off to bed, you aren't in the mood to be seductive, sexy, attentive etc.

A boss i once had liked to flirt and you would be forgiven for thinking he would be the type to have affairs on the side. His wife was very jealous, but seriously she didn't have a single thing to worry over b/c even though he put on that charming front, if a woman did approach him for a fling he wouldn't know what to do and would run in the opposite direction. He just loved the attention, but wouldn't want to take it any further, so maybe this is what your husband is doing. A lot of men and women are like this and they need constant attention.

They are just some suggestions, but if i were you, i'd sit down and have an ernest talk with him. Sometimes it's worth having the type of conversation where you lay your souls bare, either of you may hear things you don't like, but it's the only way to fix things unless you want to bale out.
Cowgal: If you really think he is cheating and although emotionally you appeared to have distanced yourself from the marriage, there is still one thing you need to consider for the sake of your health. STDS. When I had my affair, we both had full STD testing done before getting physical. We both knew what we were doing was wrong but it would have been completely irresponsible to bring home an STD to an unsuspecting spouse. My husband would never have imagined he had to practice safe sex with his own wife so I had to make sure I was not going to end of giving him an STD. If I even suspected my spouse so much as had a one night stand, I wouldn't even consider sleeping with him until 6 months had passed and all STD tests were done. When I was single I witnessed all too many people contracting STD including one of them dying from AIDS. If you even suspect your spouse of cheating, go to a planning clinic and ask to have all STD tests done; everything from Hep to HIV and everything inbetween.

[QUOTE=cowgal]I'm finding this thread very interesting as I have been suspicious of my hubby now for several months. He's not really changed the way he dresses but he is concerned with losing some weight. He's also been going back out at night a good bit to check on farming stuff supposedly and sometimes I've already gone to bed before he gets back home. The worst part about the whole thing is that I don't want everyone thinking that I'm the fool or the patsy. If he's gonna do it I wish he'd just move on out but I think he's afraid there would be hell to pay if he did. What he doesn't realize is that I'd quietly give him a divorce and continue to do my part in our business as long as there was not a huge financial drain on his part. What REALLY makes me suspicious is that we made an agreement years ago to have relations at least once a week and up until the past several months, if I didn't come through he was bugging me about it. Now all of the sudden, he acts like he's not the least bit interested. So you know what that tells me.

Read somewhere that the chances of adultery happening is like in 1 out of every 3 marriages. That's a pretty big percentage and I've seen it happen so often to other people. Guess we just don't ever imagine it happening to us. Was really angry about it at first, a blow to the ego and all that but now I'm coping a bit better as it's not disrupting my life. I have friends that just don't understand my feeling this way but then they may still be in love with their husbands. I love my man, I'm just not in love with him now. cg[/QUOTE]

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