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let me start from the beginning:

sorry if this long-

about 14 years ago i met this guy(1). we were both 16. i had a not so serious boyfriend(2) at the time and ended it with him so i could date this guy(1). he and i dated for about 3mo only. i found out he was dating other girls and was completely crushed. we lived about an hour and a half from each other and went to different schools. he lived in a town that i was born in and all my relatives lived there. after our split we couldn't help but run into each other through the years because we both hung out with the same crowd. i would spend me weekends and summers over there.

about 3 years later i moved away to go to college. i moved in with my old boyfriend(2) that i had broken up with for this guy(1). he(2) and i stayed together together up until 1995. we had planned on getting married and everything but i just fell out of love with him(2). this guy(1) and i had started talking again about 4 months before i moved back home. he was on a military base and we kept a friendly friendship between us. his mom and i were always close and during this time i was leaving my ex they were supportive.

this guy finally got out of the military in 95 and i picked him up at the airport and we had i guess you could say a fling.

nothing escalated from that. we stayed friends and i met this other guy(3) in jan 96 and started dating him. this new guy(3) and i were constantly at each other's throat. we fought over him being extremely jealous and controlling. but i was so involved with this guy that i stayed.

my friend(1) moved to my town and now we were living in the same town. my boyfriend(3) was cheating on me and i got even with him by going out with my friend several times. my boyfriend was a jerk and i don't know why i stayed with him but i did. he never sent me flowers or did kind things for me unless someone told him something. well one day my friend sent me 2 dozen roses at my job for no reason at all. i was almost in tears. i told him thank you and they were beautiful. we stayed friends still. he dated some of my girlfriends and we were very open about our lives with each other. he was like my bestfriend.

we were like this until 1999. i found out i was pregnant and my boyfriend and i got married. my dear friend was crushed. i felt really bad. to this day we have not talked to each other. i found out from our mutual friends that we grew up with that he moved further south and met a girl and married her right away. they have a child now.

every year i think about him several times. i do miss him. most of all i miss his friendship. a mutual friend of ours told me that he would have married me in an instant but to be honest don't know why i didn't just leave my boyfriend and try raising my daughter on my own. maybe this guy and i could have had a chance together. i love my husband dearly but to be honest with you he isn't the greatest husband. he has a bad temper, can't be trusted, and never wants to help me out with the kids. he is very selfish and spoiled. i am not completely happy with my marriage. i do believe in trying to work it out though so here i am working 200% on my marriage.

can someone tell me why i am feeling like this? i know i care very much for my friend possibly still love him. i feel like i made a bad decision in my life as to who to marry. i am no homewrecker so i wouldn't even dare go that way. i gues i just need help with these thought and why i am having them.

my friend has always been on my mind throughout every boyfriend i have had. we both loved each other but for some reason we just never started a relationship with one another.

i hope this enough to help you try to understand me. if not then i will add more as you ask. thanks for all advice given.

[This message has been edited by kixlonron89 (edited 10-02-2003).]

[This message has been edited by kixlonron89 (edited 10-02-2003).]





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