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We began dating in the summer of 2002.. we had a beautiful relationship.. better than i thought a relationship could be.. it lasted into january 2003.. and then, i cheated on her.. with my previous grlfriend.. who i had despised for quite some time b4 i'd even met my current grlfriend.. i don't know why i did it.. but i let her perform oral sex on me..
afterwards, i came clean with my grlfriend.. however, not totally.. i made up a story, trying to somehow justify it.. i lied, and said i'd been drinking..
a few days later, i came clean for a 2nd time.. telling her i'd made the story up.. and i'd really just given way to lust..
we broke up.. it was a rough few weeks afterwards.. but we realized we could not part with eachother and decided we'd remain friends..
however, as weeks went by, we got closer than friends again.. we were in fact, a couple again.. unofficially of course.. but we did everything couples did, from sharing a bed to going out on dates, to being sexually active..
these were very tense times for me tho.. and i began getting angry that she wouldn't make it official, and take me back as her boyfriend.. i'd apologized with every ounce of my soul.. i'd pledged to remain faithful from that day 'til i die.. and it felt right.. to both of us.. being together, i mean..
however, one day while we were arguing, i posed the question, "Do you wanna stop everything with me?".. and she said yes.. maybe it's a good idea.. we would go back to being friends again.. i was devestated, and angry, but i had to respect her wishes..
again, at a point, we were drawn together again.. one night emotions exploded.. we had a long, tearful talk, and afterwards, made love..
then she wanted it over again.. back to a friendship.. i understood, i couldn't blame her at all.. she needed time to think.. but, this wasn't thinking.. this was what i wanted tho.. i was confused.. she was confused..
she then developed feelings for another man.. someone i didn't find to be right for her at all.. she had somewhat of a relationship with him.. not really.. but she bonded with him for a couple weeks..
she then realized he wasn't right for her..
not long after, we were again, together, drawn to eachother by our feelings for eachother..
then she moved.. she lives 5 hours away now, downstate.. since the move, i've visited her once.. it was like we were a couple.. we hiked together, kissing among beautiful scenery.. we had a romantic dinner at an indian restaurant.. we made love several times over a weekend, maybe inevitable, as we were sharing a bed..
but again, we've had an argument, and now it seems our relationship, and even a friendship might be in jeopardy.. the thing is, whenever it comes down to trying a friendship, i threaten, well, i like to say warn, warn her that i probly can't do it.. i say i don't view her as a friend.. i'm in love with her.. it's so much more than that.. and i know she still loves me.. look at our history together..
i know i've been an a-hole.. but i love her.. i wanted to save money, and move downstate to be with her.. but she's told me she wont be there waiting for me, as my grlfriend.. and i don't understand..
she hasn't been with a single man since our breakup in February 2003..
i'd do anything for this woman.. i want to be with her, to show her i've changed.. i'm faithful.. i'm really not an a-hole.. that i love her..

do you see any hope? how could we, together, sort out our emotions? she says she doesn't know what she wants.. and if she had to answer me now, she'd say no she can't be with me.. but she wants to.. she says it's not fair to her however.. and she said all the relationship-like qualities that still exist between us aren't fair to me.. or her.. but especially me..

what to do, what to do.. this is so stressful, and so depressing..

[This message has been edited by [email protected] (edited 10-01-2003).]





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