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Relationship Health Message Board


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hiswife,

I totally understand what you are going through right now and my heart goes out to you. My husband and I are also going to couseling right now, and it has helped us to communicate better and to listened to each other, but it does take time for the heart to heal believe me. I really wish I could say that there is a magic pill to make all the pain go away but there isn't. And I also understand that the love that you feel for someone can be so strong, that it really doesn't matter what they did, you would still be willing to forgive them in time. That is what is so special about us as women. Just know that when you get through all of this that you will be stronger, smarter, wiser, and that you will be able to forgive and learn to trust your husband again. But please don't let your guard down, make sure he is willing to comment to this marriage and to the couseling and getting your relationship back where it needs to be. Because if he isn't (believe me it is hard getting through something like this)then it will not work. And don't ever blame yourself, for this is a choice he made by himself. When men get caught in something like this they don't like it, they would rather sweep it under the rug and it never to be brought up again. But we as women have to be able to talk about it, I think that helps us heal, getting things and our feelings out in the open is part of the healing process. But also don't ever use your words lightly.... Like I remember you saying that you told your husband that if he ever does this again, that it would be over, just make sure you are willing to stand by what you say and if he does it again (which I pray that he doesn't)then you have to be willing to walk away and never look back.....I know from my own experience that I used those words to lightly....I said the same thing after the first time my husband did this, and the second and now he has done it again.....the first time, we hadn't been married for very long and I got a letter in the mail (typed no less) saying that I needed to check his cell phone records because he had been chatting with his X wife alot. Well it ate me up, because I couldn't check the records because the company that he works for pays the bill...I talked to him about it and he denied it of course.....so I trusted my husband with what he told me and dropped it. Then about year and a half ago I found out that he had been emailing his X girlfriend and talking to her about our problems...he promised me he would go with me to a counselor, but ended up backing out. I went for awhile by myself....and the whole time I felt so alone and started feeling like I was to blame, and he even blamed me. But this last time.....I got smart...I new something was going on but wasn't sure what it was,(always trust a gut feeling) so I got some spyware and put it on his computer and found everything (which I didn't really want to know)......even thou he says he didn't ever meet this woman....to much went on even if it was just through email. He couldn't understand why I was so hurt and upset.....men just don't get it do they....I told him, yes you may have just talked in email but the emotional connection that you made with this woman, by the things that you said and did, it is the same as you sleeping with her. The pain is still the same, it is still cheating. And just know this....you may never forget, but in time it does get easier. I totally understand why your doing this....you love him...that is all that matters....isn't that what we are supposed to do, is stand by our man...the only question I have is would they stand by us and be so forgiving......Hope this has helped in someway....Take care of yourself and God Bless......





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