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Hi there - hope you can all offer me some advice(sorry for the length, Iíve condensed it as much as possible.) [img]http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/dizzy.gif[/img]

Iíve been seeing my bf now for just on 1 year Ė Iíve known him for a few years longer though. Iím 19, heís 25 (the age gap has created some difficulties sometimes.) Anyway, two problems have arisen as time has gone by.
The first thing is his relationship with his family, namely his mother. His father walked out on them after a string of affairs when my bf was 16, and as he is the youngest and only male in the family (he has 1 older sister) from that moment he has practically [b]devoted[/b] himself to supporting and appeasing his mother and never, ever leaving her like his father did. His biggest fear is disappointing her. He has lived at home with her all his life, his sister and her husband moved to their own place close by, but still dote on her to an extent as well. She has always given my bf freedom and space, but she has never liked him having girlfriends, and as she didnít know anything about me before we began dating, she hasnít really warmed to me.

In terms of how my bf and myself are Ė no two people could be better for eachother. We get along magically, our personalities generally compliment eachother. He treats women beautifully, but can sometimes be a little insecure (even though he is older) as Iím the more confident type, and can be moody at times :(

ButÖthe one thing that always seems to cramp our style is his mother. She claims I take up too much of his time (which is my second issue) and she basically sees me as 'bad' for him. I know to make it work with my bf in the future, I'll have to fit in to that family lifestyle whether i really want to or not.
I've got the impression he'll never move out of home, but would expect and allow his mum to live with him and his partner in the future. His mum also expects to go out with us sometimes to the movies and stuff - just him, me and her. Are these things strange or unnatural? Can this be changed, or am I fighting a losing battle? Or am I being selfish about the situation wanting him more for me than her?

That sort of gives rise to my other problem - I seem to want to see my bf [b]all[/b] the time. He's an extremely busy guy with bad working hours, I have much more time on my hands, so I often feel bored waiting around for when he has time. But he sees this, and tries as much as possible to see me the [i]second[/i] he's free, and therefore his mum gets pissed off. He literally feels torn two ways trying to please everybody.
I feel maybe I make unfair demands on his time...But in some ways I feel like I've abandoned my former life to try to see him a lot. Like, my friendships have suffered a bit, and my studies have gone downhill. How can I learn to balance life with boyfriend? I think I've become a little obsessed [img]http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/confused.gif[/img] I've been usually staying over with him 3-4 nights weekly...(I get to see him half of the day as well) is this too much to expect? Am i demanding too much of him?

I actually lost my bf for a few days recently because of these issues, and the situation seemed hopeless... and ended up with me feeling I physically couldn't lose him and ringing up his mother to talk ([b]so[/b] scary!) She said some horrible things at the start about how much I've stressed him out, even though he loves me, and I've done the damage and should get over it and move on. The pain was terrible. But eventually during the convo she seemed to come around at least a tiny bit, and then after that my bf accepted me back. Which makes me think his mother makes these decisions for him too! So to keep him, I have to please her... [img]http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/confused.gif[/img] [img]http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/dizzy.gif[/img]

Please comment and help on anything you can...I love him so much and what it to work. What should I do?Thanks.

Tyger.


[This message has been edited by Tyger (edited 10-06-2003).]





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