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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

The most important thing (SO important!) is that you can TALK to your girlfriend about how you feel. I know it is early on in the realtionship, but I swear, if you 2 can get to the point where you can feel comfortable bringing up ANY issue thats bothering one of you, however personal, it’s such a major strength builder to the relationship. My guy and I have finally gotten to the point (after 6 months) where we trust eachother enough that we tell eachother in a second if the other did something hurtfull, if one of us is feeling insecure, afraid, etc, etc...ocassioanlly a confrontation follows but you can’t be afraid of that and the trick is NOT to clam up - or let the other person do so! (I know how hard this can be) Don’t be too pushy, but be firm, and push yourself as well NOT to distance yourself from her out of fear, as you have done (esp hard once they’ve just snapped at you!) I can relate - I’m not a yeller by nature and dont loose my temper often (I “stew” instead) so when a boyfriend snaps at me or gets mad and yells a bit, i REALLY get affected/hurt by it and withdraw - afraid to say something that may trigger it again. Now of course there is a difference btw someone who ocassionally lets off steam that way and an abusive yeller who can ONLY communicate that way - I assume your girlfriend is more of the “occasional” variety. But you have to learn to deal with someone getting annoyed at you (as she will annoy you at some point, too) and it’s OK (you are 2 different people w. different points of view and needs) - but you just MUST TALK about it. Its the ONLY way to get close. The point of a relationship is to have a loyal partner and confidant, someone there to watch your back and eager to help you when you need support. Suffering in silence next to your girlfriend totally goes against the whole point of being with someone (if you are looking for a REAL realtionship, that is, and not just a pal to lay around, watch movies and have sex with). Yes it’s hard to get to that point of trust and takes a while but you have to start working NOW. Hopefully she is mature enough to want and be able to respect your feelings, listen and be empathetic (it takes a long time to get to this point for most people! And some never do, saddly) Don't feel bad about yourself - you are human and SO MANY people have these anxieties. She has her own fears & issues (tho they may have not show themselves yet - believe me, they will!) and hopefully you can get to the point where you can show yourself warts & all to eachother & not fear rejection.
Good Luck! :)

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