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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


Dsheldon, I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm sorry I don't have any really great advice to offer you. All I can say is that I know how you feel. I know how bad it hurts, and I'm here to offer a shoulder to cry on. There are women here on the board who say that you'll be fine, you'll find love again, because they did, and I think it's great that other people have good relationships here and they want to help. But it's all well and fine when you break up at 25. It's different breaking up at 40. It's just a plain fact that a woman's chances of finding love after 40 are much much slimmer that it is at 20 or 30. I'm 38 and am going through a similar thing. I've spent the last 5 and a half years trying to get over my ex. We broke up because he had these really strict religious ideals and values that he said he just couldn't compromise. I don't think we were really that far apart. But sometimes he would be so unreasonable that it unfuriated me and I said things I didn't mean at all, things that aren't me at all, and I guess he took them seriously. Anyway, I did my best to move on, I dated a little, I went out 2-3 times a week, pursued my own interests, etc. But after 5 years of not meeting anyone else, getting older and still being alone, it gets harder every day. Especially since I lost my best friend of 20 years in the process because I was so destroyed over losing this guy and she simply didn't want to hear about it, mainly because two of his roommates messed her over good, and another one messed her little sister over. I guess she felt 1) I didn't stick up for her and her sister enough and 2) it was just my turn. Who the hell did I think I was that I didn't deserve to get messed over by these guys just like she and her sister did. Anyway, some of his values were about divorce and marriage. He refused to watch Full House or any tv show that portrayed a non-conventional family. He carried on for 5 minutes about a colgate commercial that only showed a mother with her two boys and not the father. He swore he could never date a divorcee, especially if she had kids from another marriage, it went against his beliefs and he didn't like the idea of kids being shuffled between homes. He would never live with me outside of wedlock, etc. Then I found out he married a divorcee with 3 kids, one still living with her ex, hte ex apparently pissed off and fighting her for the other two, he shacked up with her for almost 3 years before they married. It sees everything he told me was a big lie to keep me around as long as it was convenient for him but at the same time keep me from getting too close. The truth is I didn't survive it, at least not yet. I'm not sure if I ever will. I found out last January and I still cry my heart out every day. I pray that God will take me home in my sleep or that He will give me the courage and strength to send myself home, and every morning I wake up amazed that a person can hurt this bad and still be alive.
I don't wish to burden you with my deal, but I have an idea of what you're going through and I know how bad it hurts. I just want you to know that you're not alone. There are people all over the world who don't get the fairytale, hollywood movie ending of "oh, I thought I was destroyed, but here's my prince charming, I get to live happily ever after." Maybe not everyone is supposed to get that. But we keep on trucking. The best thing I can tell you is to do your best to find something about today that you love, that is worth waking up for, and let tomorrow worry about itself. Hang in there, know that you're not alone, and there are people here who will listen and understand.





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