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Over Protective?
Oct 28, 2003
I just got back from a quiet BBQ of a good friend who turned 21. It was a Tuesday night so it wasn't going to be a big occasion. My boyfriend kept asking the address (i didn't give it to him) of where it would be and asked what time I would be back to my flat. I thought I would be by about 10. When I got back at around 12 I had messages on my phone from every half hour since 9:30pm asking where I am and to call him back when I get home. I called and he wasn't there because he was on his way over to here. He said he was going to wait until I was back.. even if I was another couple of hours. Then he asked how many guys were there, how much did I drink, how many guys spoke to me, etc.!
I just got him to leave. That is just an example.
We have been together for about 18 months and for the first 6 months he was living at college so went out each night, and I done so myself with my own friends. This year he rents his own place while I am still living on-campus but I now spend most of my weekends with him. I have went from going out to clubs 1-3 times per week to less than 5 times all YEAR. I usually enjoy just watching videos or whatever with him, but then when the opportunity comes up to go to one of my friend's 21st or anything like that I like to be able to go without having him wait by the phone for me.
I go to friends' houses, parties, etc about once each 2 months or so and after every time it is the same thing and I am really beginning to HATE it. I wouldn't go out that much now anyway, but I would like to be free to do what I like when I want and then be able to come home and go to sleep and not have to worry about all that.
That is not too much to ask, is it?
I am only 19. Every time I socialise with other people I come home wishing I would do it more often, but then it is such a hassle to do it.
Does he have a problem? Should he seek counselling?
Also, today we were in a book shop of all places and he all of a sudden said 'let's leave'. I just thought he was bored so left and then he said it was because the owner was 'looking' at me when I bent over.
He hates me going shopping by myself incase guys look/talk to me. I do go anyway. I woudln't let anyone tell me I couldn't go out in public at all.
When he says he will pick me up from the library, etc at a certain time and I finish what I am doing before the time I sometimes go and wait in the carpark. One time he was mad at me because guys would be able to see me.. now he always gets there earlier so i won't be waiting in the carpark for him. This is purely paranoia because I do not dress in any kind of way that would draw attention to me from guys... but whenever we are in public together he is always saying how much he hates guys because he knows what they are thinking when they look at me or any other girl.
He has some idea that I am extremely attractive, which is very far from the truth. I don't think guys are looking. He said he used to feel good baout himself when he saw people look at me but now he can't stand it. I really hate this. I have to see him EVERY day. I don't mind that, but sometimes I just don't have time... but I do anyway and forget about the other things.
He knows the times of my lectures, etc so if I don't answer my phone at a time that I don't have anything on he immediatly thinks I am being raped or something so drives around and looks in the libraries, computer rooms, etc looking for me. I have just began to realise just how bad he is getting. What should I do?
Tonight I told him how it isn't fair that I should have to feel that I have to be home by 12 each night and not have a life of my own and he said 'i stopped smoking for you', which is true.. but they hardly compare, do they?

Thanks for any suggestions. I know not everyone has a relationship like this.
Thanks. :)





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