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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


Hi Green,

So sorry to hear what you are going through - it must be very difficult.

I would agree with everything that has been said - some very good advice there.

I can to a certain extent understand insecurities - and it is quite clear that your boyfriend suffers severely from insecurity and probably even confidence and trust issues - and your right he does need to talk to someone about this - it is not healthy - and until he does talk about it - this problem is going to dog all relationships he has with the opposite sex.

I am not an ultra confident person myself - and I have met a lovely young lady earlier this year - and at times I have found myself wondering what she is up to and who she is with etc. I have NEVER done anything about it - and NEVER EVER will but what I am saying is that it is very easy to not feel good about yourself and to question whether your girlfriend really loves you, or whether she is playing games, or whatever.

So I can understand where he is coming from. Although not to the extent that he is. - It is something that he has to work through - and he has to trust you, and that takes time to build in a relationship - particularly if he has been hurt in previous relationships.

I can honestly say now that I very rarely have insecure thoughts about my girlfriend, I know that she wants to be with me, and that she is committed to our relationship and as such I no longer have concerns - and that has come with time and communication and getting to know her better.

As for your boyfriend - I think that he needs help to get to that point. He is much further down the field than I ever was - and he is as others have suggested emotionally abusing you - and I wonder how much longer it is before it gets physical - I sincerely hope that it doesnt.

Your story reminds me of the movie Sleeping with the Enemy - with Julia Roberts - what you have put here is eerily similar to that story - and if you saw that movie you know what happened.

What I would say to you is that you need to think very seriously about your situation and look to get out of this relationship - and get out NOW!!!!!!!!

You dont deserve the treatment you are getting - nobody does!!! You have the right to do and wear and say and spend time with who you want, when you want.

DONT be dictated to by somebody!!!

Of course being in a relationship means trying to meld two lives into one at time in terms of friends and things you do and bits and pieces like that.

But any relationship that takes you away completlely from the life you had prior to the relationship is not healthy - and I think ultimately will be an unhappy one for one or other of the parties.

I really urge you to think very seriously about where your relationship is going - and what YOU want - and to think about moving on - because I really believe it will be sometime before your boyfriend can see what he is doing and turn it around. In fact I have my doubts as to whether he can - and he certainly cant do it without professional help!!

You deserve better, there is better out there for you - have fun finding it!

CeeJay






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