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Relationship Health Message Board

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Last words of advice to you: Be prepared to feel bad about this for awhile. You lost trust in him, which he most likely says he understands, but most likely does not perceive the consequences. That has been my experience. Men seem to think if they say they are sorry for their actions, that will ultimately grant them immediate forgiveness and escape from all consequences. Not so. When someone commits murder and is sentenced to the death penalty but says they are sorry for murder does not erase their fate of capital punishment. (Most)Men are sorry when they get caught. In all sincerety they don't want to hurt anybody, especially if it will make them look like the perpetrator or bad guy. He may not be so sorry about what he did, he is probably more sorry that it hurt you, see what I mean? I am not saying this is true, I am just advising you to make sure you understand and he understands the difference. He got called up on stage? Geez, honey, he must've been doing a lot or something else you don't know about to get himself up there. I mean, what was so special about him that they chose him over everybody else? And most often, I thought you had to VOLUNTEER for that kind of thing. If it was because of peer pressure, then you need to give this guy sometime to overcome his immaturity. I am not saying leave him indefinitely, I am saying it sounds like he needs some time to grow up. And if he can't control himself around his peers, and you two are together (so he is therefore accountable to you), then you two need to discuss how he can aviod these situations all together, and he will probably whine if that means no longer going to strip clubs. Unfortunately, growing up does not happen for all men. Some never grow up. I hate to say it, but many don't grow up until they meet a woman who makes 'em grow up. Maybe this is that occuring in your relationship. Correct it now before it becomes an even bigger problem later. I will reiterate as many other women have on this board that some men would never be caught dead in a place as lowly and sleazy as a strip club. I mean, that is so insulting to the woman you are with (or man, depending on the sort of club one is at). As far as "understanding" why men/women go to strip clubs I will never understand. The whole primate or primitive ways or whatever excuse is about as bogus as it gets. It is also primate and primitive to beat your wife over the head with a club, but we don't condone that, now do we? It is unargueable that YOU DESERVE respect: what does that mean to you? You need to figure that out (does that mean not attending strip joints?) What about when you have children? What kind of role model will this GUY be? Do you want him to illustrate to your children the negative and destructive nature of our society to objectify human beings? If it was me, he wouldn't be going to any strip clubs. If he is my man, I am going to be the one pleasuring him, NOBODY else! That's MY job. And if he can't control himself when you aren't there, I do not suggest you consider marriage because there is a lot of things that change when you get married, and there will be a lot of times when you two will be majorly busy, especially at work! You don't want to be in this situation ever again do you? You might be slaveing away at work doing over time while he is starring down other women? I don't think so, honey! YOU DESERVE BETTER. Get things under control now. He needs your help. His friends certainly aren't going to help him. Do his friends even respect the fact that he is with you? I would think they would not be so discouraging and negative if they actually respected the relationship you have with him. ANyways, this is too long.

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