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I fell for someone really fast that I can't really be with; to me, he has been the most respectful, caring, sweet, unselfish man I have ever met. He is so much better to me than all of the other men I have dated. He put forth effort and thought into what made me happy and is the only guy who as treated me like I am a real person, the only one who made my insecurities go away while being with him and the only one who made me smile until it hurt. I do want to be with him, but I know I can't and probably shouldnt because of the struggle he faces. Hopefully things will get better for him and maybe things will turn out better than expected. I do know that in my eyes he is amazing and I really do care for him and I will always be here if he ever needs me.
I met this guy that I am sort of dating a little over 2 months ago when I was leaving my hometown of new haven, ct and we basically had the same bus route heading down south until a certain point. We continued talking after that day because we hit it off right away on the bus ride, we talked so much and had a lot in common. I recently went to go visit him in his hometown and he asked me out and I said yes. A day after that he started acting weird. He started talking to himself about getting revenge on people and wanting to fight those who talked bad about him and lied to him and walking around a lot. Turns out he is a paranoid schizophrenic, and that night he had an episode. He broke down a door and got violent because once the cops came and did what they had to do he wanted to come back into his home. he broke through part of the front door, luckily his brother saved us from him getting in. he was finally caught and is now in a mental hospital waiting to be put in a personal care home. He never told me he was schizophrenic, but I understand why because he didn't want me to blow him off once I found out what he had, but the fact is I wouldn't because Im not like that. He has had this mental illness for 3 years because when he was 19 he was brutally attacked in an ally and was beaten on by 3 guys for 45 minutes and his face was so swollen that it was hardly recognizable. I hurt so bad inside knowing he didn't deserve this, he was so innocent. I found out all of this through his mom. His family likes me though, which is good, they even said I could come back to visit. I left his home a day later because it just wouldn't be the same because hes not there. I wrote him a letter for his mom to give him when he is settled down in one place. Im not giving up on him and I am going to be there for him. I want to still visit him and talk to him as often as possible if he wants me to and if the doctor's allow it, I pray he does want to speak with me. I would be sad if he didn't because when hes on his medicine he is the sweetest, most charming, respectful and adorable guy ever, and I don't want to be pushed away like that because he knows Ill be there for him. I might not be able to visit him that often seeing how Im in college, but I could still speak with him on the phone. When I say sort of dating in the beginning it's because we never officially broke up, never had the chance to, but I'm not sure if I want to even though everyone else wants me to. I don't think I want to because I know he will get better, even though it will take a while. I feel like we are great together, we met in the cutest way and we have so much in common, and hes what Ive been looking for like the older, more mature, sweet, great personality and cant forget the looks, exclude the schizophrenia and hes great. I think I would be able to do fine if this whole thing works out, Im not going to give up on him.

I recently talked to his mother and she said that the hospital is releasing him because they generally don't keep people with those types of mental illnesses and they wont put him in a personal care home either. She told me that she doesn't know where he will be going because she has already done enough. he has been in the hospital about 12 times and she doesn't know where hes going to live, she told me that he asked about me and I cried because I didn't think hed ask about me after what happened and because Im scared for him. He wanted to make sure that I made it back safely. I don't want him getting hurt anymore like he did before fear he will get hurt or in trouble and I wont be able to help him. She told him that I left the letter for him; hopefully he gets back home and is able to get his things along with that letter. I called the hospital that I thought he was at and left my name and number under his name, it sucks because they cant say if he is there or not. One of my friends said that she believes he will be in contact with me soon and that we will and forever will be friends if the relationship doesn't continue.

I am just waiting until he gets in contact with me, i have a feeling he will.





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