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Thank you everyone for all your replies. It means a lot. I used to belong to another message board (a great site by the way), but I got heated and got myself banned. I regret it because I had been posting there for 9 years....most people there knew me and my story.

Now, I have to start all over again and honestly there is so much to write to fully understand where I'm coming from, but I will narrow it down as much as I can.

My ex-husband devastated me when he left. It honestly took me almost 5 years to really get over it - and to be more honest, there is still a scar there and I don't think I'll ever be "over it"- its been 9 years. But at least now, I am not hurt when I see him nor do I think of him in that way. It devastated me so much because we were compatible, hardly argued, had same values (or so I thought), same interests and we have two children together (who were very young at the time when he left for the other woman).

Now, my ex-boyfriend, the one who "dumped" me in May - we had a lot of issues. We argued a lot. He was an addict when I met him and I thought that I could deal with it. I could not. I myself became an addict (drinking & gambling) and I think we fed off each others addictions. However, there were the good times, he made me laugh like no other person could, the sex was off the hook, he's very handsome, he's hardworking and respectful (at times). Anyway, I fell for him and loved him a lot - so when he broke it off it was like reliving my ex-husband's leaving all over again.

I didn't hear from him for 5 months, but he was always on my mind. When it contacted me, it was odd because the thoughts were very intense that day - felt it was just meant to be to talk.

Well, since I had been having a long distance relationship by this point, with new guy, I was having ambivalent feelings about him - even before my ex-bf contacted me. And then of course after ex-bf contacted me, the ambivilent feelings were amplified and I told new guy I need to be single for now to get my thoughts in order. I need to be on my own - not committed to anyone.

Ex-boyfriend says he's all confused about the girl he had been seeing (whom I did know and had a feeling about her way before we broke up). I had a feeling that something was going on with them or was going to.

Anyway, I know this is VERY LONG WINDED and if you got this far reading, thank you.

I have not heard from ex-bf since I saw him last weekend and I don't know if I will. I left a message for him today wishing him a happy birthday.

I do not want to contact him because I don't want to be hurt all over again. I cannot deal with the rejection and don't want to hear about him being confused over his girlfriend (can I kick her ass please?). So, I am telling myself that if he wants to see me, he will contact me, if he doesn't, then he won't.

As for new guy, I am still talking online or over phone everyday, but he's hoping for more in the future and I don't know if I feel like that. That will have to be another thread to discuss.

Just call me LOVE LIFE DRAMA QUEEN.:eek:

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