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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

Before you bring a baby into the world with ANYBODY you need to consider the long-term implications. You are already having doubts about this man. It sounds from what you write that he has a soft place to land, someone to "take care" of him and can do what he wants without ramifications. He doesn't even have to integrate you into his life. And he seems to be proving himself unreliable. I would not contact his family; you should be able to rely on your own senses to determine if he's relationship and parental material. And this should never be over the course of a few months. You should know someone for a long time, including knowing and interacting a LOT with his parents, siblings and friends, before you consider the long term with them. The only way to determine the type of person anyone is, is to spend lots of time with them alone and in the presence of others, as their behavior and treatment will adjust to each situation.

A baby is a long-time commitment. For BOTH parents. If you have a baby with this man, the baby will have him as a father for the rest of its life. If the relationship ends in the next few months, or few years, you will still have to share parenting responsibilities with this man. He will have access to the child and will be an influence on the child. Before you bring a baby into the world, you need to make sure, very sure, that the person who fathers it will make a good father, will be a good influence, and will be responsible. Does this man know what it's like to change diapers, to feed a baby every few hours, to give a baby love and attention, to nurture it, to take it to school, to help the child with homework, to set down rules, to try to always be patient and loving - the list goes on.

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