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I'm really looking for advice on how to deal with a borderline ex, but there's a lot of backstory and another player, so this is pretty long, sorry.

My partner and I have been together for a few years, but early this year, we broke up for a couple months due more to logistical problems (moving was the primary issue) than personal problems. We remained close friends the entire time, and we're back together now and have been since May.

During the period that we were broken up, he briefly dated another girl. It was a disaster almost immediately, and they flamed out publicly. I privately encouraged him to break up with her when she said that she would be glad if he hurt himself then immediately called me a name (that happened on the second or third day and was because he refused to stop talking to me). Another friend of my partner's fought with her publicly on multiple occasions, but I tried to stay out of it. They broke up, and we got back together shortly after that.

She spent a couple months attempting to guilt him back by saying she was going to commit suicide. At first, everyone took those threats seriously, but it became fairly obvious that she was lying after a while. (I hesitate to say that, because I know it should never really be dismissed, but she listed the dozens of pills she had supposedly taken all at once time and time again, and she never once exhibited side effects and never went to the hospital.) She admitted that she was borderline, which we hadn't known before.

After that, she began telling people that we were not together and I was lying when I said otherwise. According to her logic, if we were together, I wouldn't feel the need to say that we were, especially when she had said seconds earlier that we weren't. (I still really don't understand that logic, but that's what she said.) That only lasted a week or so, as no one really believed her when since both he and I said we were together.

Since then, she's moved onto her new theme, which occasionally popped up before: I am (according to her) using sex to control my partner, who is apparently too dumb to realize. Her proof of this is the fact that when they were dating, she asked if he still found me sexually attractive, and he answered yes. We have never done anything even remotely sexual when not dating, and especially not when he was dating her, but that's apparently proof positive that I'm using sex as a tool to manipulate him. We both corrected her once when she first started, but that made no difference, and it's harder to convince people that I'm not some sort of sex monster, because that's a negative.

In and of itself, that wouldn't be a huge deal, because she's been doing this for close to a year now without too much success. However, now the ex-friend comes in.

This friend was respectful of our relationship before we broke up, but she was hopeful that she'd have a chance during our break. She didn't. When we got back together, she cried and said she wanted to die, because she loved him and wanted a chance. He warned her that her behavior was inappropriate, and if she didn't stop, they couldn't continue to be friends. She shaped up for a while, but lately, she fell back into the habit. Every time we'd have a date that she knew about, she'd try to interrupt with how sad she was, because she was "mourning" our relationship. After talking about it with my partner a little over a week ago, I called her out on it and said she was being inappropriate. She agreed and promised to stop... then did the exact same thing the next day. He made the decision to cut contact with her, something which I had no say in and didn't know about until after it was done. Mind you, I think it's a good decision, but I didn't ask him to make it or encourage him to do such.

Probably because I had called her out the day before, she decided that this was my doing. For the record, I don't think she's borderline. She doesn't say much about it, just the occasional thing that now she agrees with the ex in some things and the occasional thing about me being controlling.

This in turn is feeding the ex who doesn't actually know all of the details but is determined to use it anyway. She apparently has appointed herself "karma policewoman" and intends to create drama until... he breaks up with me? Starts talking to the friend again? That part's not clear. Regardless, she's in full swing again, making sure that everyone who listens hears what a horrible person I am and how she was the best girlfriend ever.

Do I just keep ignoring her (now them, really)? We've both been going out of our way to avoid them, but it's becoming a bit absurd. With the exception of one day last month, she either puts everything on the Internet or says it, so it's not physical harassment. Still, it's been close to a year, and if she hasn't stopped now, I'm not sure that she ever will.

For what it's worth, both of our families think we're great together, and so do other people we know.





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