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I'll try to keep this brief.
I've known this guy for 6 years, not well, but enough to know I haven't been interested. He was always just odd in some way (the first night we met he intro'd me to everyone as his wife or future wife, he would send me texts of lists of food - not to say he was hungry or he wanted to take me out for dinner, but just food names. it was just weird and this was on top of clingy behaviour).
Well I hadn't seen him for two years before about 2 months ago. We hung out the night we bumped into each other, drinking, so I wasn't too eager to meet up with him again.
Finally I relented, and we ended up hanging out a couple of weekends later (the whole weekend) and I actually really liked him. He seemed really 'masculine' and allowed me to be really 'feminine' - I work in high end business so I appreciated a chance to feel girly around him. I saw that he was a go-getter, ambitious, focused, all things I found very attractive.
I went on a vacation shortly thereafter and we kept in touch the whole time.
Keep in mind he had been telling me he loved me, wanting me to have his babies, wanting to grow old with me etc. since the first day we started hanging out again but I did not encourage that behaviour from him. He also intro'd me to everyone as his gf.
He got quite jealous and passive aggressive when I was out one night while on vacay and my phone died. I realized he was not good at communicating so I was trying to be very sensitive toward that. I didn't get mad, but reassured him. One thing I hate the most is passive aggressiveness.
Now, about once or twice a week he gets totally clingy and insecure (like why do you like me? I'm ugly. You can do so much better than me. I'm not in shape like before). To me, thats not attractive.
A cpl of weeks ago we slept together for the first time. I slept at his house twice before that, but each time he slept on the couch in the living room while I slept in the bed. I hated that he slept in another room, but he works 15-20 hrs a day and goes to sleep at 6am. I get up at 6 am and have a fulltime job, fulltime student, and have a part-time job. Our schedules are totally opposite; he snores, can't fall asleep when I do, so decided sleeping on the couch was better.
Once, he told me he hated me. He then qualified it by saying he hated it when he's not around me, and hated that I hadn't followed through in the previous 6 years. The night we slept together, I was on the phone with my brother's friend, and 'my guy' came up to me and said he didn't trust me. He doesn't trust hot girls.
SO we get to his house, sleep together (the night before I specifically asked him to stay in bed with me) and, when I realize he's not in bed with me, I went to the couch to cuddle and he pushed me off the couch.
So I brought it up the next day (by telling him I felt worthless because he dates me/doesn't trust me/pushed me away from him) and he called me crazy, that we've only been hanging out for 2 months, he likes me, etc. and started getting passive aggressive, telling me he doesn't want to talk to me. then 2 seconds later tells me he loves me and wants me.
we got in another fight on the weekend. by now i am officially his gf (he had taken it away from when he first said it 2 mnths ago); and on sunday when we were fighting he told me never to talk to him again (so we were less than 24 hr bf and gf), later on we started talking again and I asked him if we were still bf and gf and he said 'we'll talk about it later'. I was PISSED. so he's given and taken away the title of 'gf' twice, gives and takes away 'i love you's etc'. I decided not to contact him again, but, by chance, I bumped right into him the next day. We talked a bit. I told him he was a loose cannon, all over the place and it seems he has issues (in a concerned way, not a b*tchy way). He still wants to be together and he's contacting me all the time now. About s*x too.
My problem is I don't trust him anymore. I trust him with girls, and I actually trust that he likes me, But because of the taking away and giving me of the gf/I love yous depending on if he is mad at me or not, his moodiness, passive aggressiveness and insecurities are diminishing the level of trust I had for him. My friends think he acts like Jekyll and Hyde. He has never had a gf though (although he is a few years older than me) and apparently does not know how to communicate in a healthy manner.
Anyway, my plan is to tell him my concerns and tell him because I don't really trust him anymore (and am therefore not excited to sleep with him again), that i want to take this back to ground zero - just dating, no sleeping together, etc. He'll probably think I'm nuts, but on the off chance he agrees - how do I start to trust him again? I have never in my life dated someone I don't trust, but I am slightly attached to him and I see he does like me so much; and I usually give up so easily in relationships so I'm hesitant to give up on this one yet.
Is starting back at ground zero even possible?





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