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Relationship Health Message Board


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I was with my boyfriend for 7 years, lived with him for 6, and we recently broke up a few months ago for several small reasons, because the passion wasn't there, we werent having sex much, the relationship had just gotten a little old. So he decided he wants to be independent for awhile. He is a very independent minded person and we were fairly young when we got together, he was 18 and I was 20. He didn't want a relationship at first but we fell in love and spent 7 together. Over the years we have had ups and downs but we were (and still are!) very close. He has told me recently in the past few months that I'm his number one (that was after we broke up) and that I was his best friend, the person closest to him, the one that knows him the most, just to demonstrate how close we are. After we broke up, I moved back into my parents house for a few weeks but then moved back to our apartment, not because we were back together but because this is my home. This was about a week ago or so. Sometimes he is very loving with me and at other times I can feel him pulling back. We are, for all intents and purposes, not together. Well, he has been partying a lot since we broke up, making friends with girls from work (not that he tells me but I know), and often doesn't come home all night. Today I asked him to move out and tonight when he gets back from work he is going to pack and stay with friends (he was a little upset when I told him this but he agreed it was for the best, and besides, he spends almost every night with them anyway!

Here's the clincher: since he has been partying every night he has not been able to make rent. I wrote a check for November's rent and we agreed that he would pay for December but it's now the 9th and he still does not have to money for rent. I am broke right now as well and am having to borrow money from my parents. When I confronted him about his spending money partying he flatly denied it and got defensive although I know that's where his money is going. Usually he is a very hard working (still is) and responsible guy but his responsibility has gone out the window. I can't believe what he's turned into with this partying. He lost his parents fairly young (mother when 16 and father when 18) and then was with me for 7 years so I think he just really needs to let loose and sow his wild oats for awhile. Fine. There's a possibility we may get back together sometime in the future but at the moment it's looking slim. We do love each other very much but I just don't like him right now. I know that he loves me too but he has other interests right now (his friends and, possibly, girls or a girl. )

I am really close to his family and family friends and was talking to his sister about it tonight and she thinks he's going through an immature phase. He really is a great guy and was a great boyfriend, very honest and faithful, but right now he is just not honest with me at all. Anyway, my question is, is he just trying to break free and have fun, and why is he in such denial about the money he's wasting? I know this happens to people occasionally. I'm not trying to get him back right now but I don't want to lose him either. THis kind of thing has happened before in the relationships of people I know so I don't know what will happen in the end. But I am WORRIED for his wellbeing. He's neglecting his responsibilities! And he's just not himself right now. At all. He does have a problem with inconsistency as well, wanting something one moment, then another thing the next, and he knows this. Before we broke up we were going to move to another state at one point, then take a trip... but now the current thing is having the single life. This has happened once before, about 2 years ago, but things worked out. I don't know if they will this time.


Has anyone had similar experiences or any ideas of what's going on right now? How should I approach the situation. If anything, I would like at least to save our friendship because we ARE normally close..just not right now.

(Sorry for the long post, just got done with two phone rants)





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